Chapter 16: Rising in Love: A Partnership in Meditation
I’m experiencing more and more a harmony, a quietness, an ease, an abundance in myself, moments in which I feel so vast and rich, like the universe, and so close to you. I dive into it and disappear, and see that this again was just an opening, a door to another dimension on this ongoing, never-ending journey you are taking me on, my beloved master.
And I can find no words to express how much I feel, that I can be with you.
Being together with a man I find these most beautiful and precious moments so rarely; it seems most of the time is wasted in loving, and finding ourselves and each other. Why is it so difficult for me to be in this harmony together with a man, and even take him with me into this unknown?
Or is it something which can happen just between you and me?
There are a few very fundamental things to be understood: first, a man and a woman are on the one hand halves of the other, and on the other hand, opposite polarities. Their being opposites attracts them to each other. The farther away they are, the deeper will be the attraction; the more different from each other they are, the more will be the charm and beauty and attraction. But there lies the whole problem.
When they come close, they want to come closer, they want to merge into each other, they want to become one, a harmonious whole - but their whole attraction depends on opposition, and the harmony will depend on dissolving the opposition. Unless a love affair is very conscious, it is going to create great anguish, great trouble. All lovers are in trouble. The trouble is not personal; it is in the very nature of things.
They would not have been attracted to each other. They call it falling in love. They cannot give any reason why they have such a tremendous pull towards each other. They are not even conscious of the underlying causes; hence a strange thing happens: the happiest lovers are those who never meet. Once they meet, the same opposition that created the attraction becomes a conflict. On each small point, their attitudes are different; their approaches are different. Although they speak the same language, they cannot understand each other.
One of my friends was talking to me about his wife and their continuous conflict. I said, “It seems you cannot understand each other.”
He said, “What to say about understanding her, I cannot even stand her!” And it was a love marriage. The parents of both were opposed to it; they belonged to two different religions, their societies were opposed. But they fought against everybody and got married - just to find that they had entered into a constant struggle.
The way a man looks at the world is different from a woman. For example, a man is interested in faraway things - in the future of humanity, in the faraway stars, whether there are living beings on other planets or not. A woman simply giggles at the whole nonsense. She is only interested in a very small, closed circle - in the neighbors, in the family, in who is cheating his wife, whose wife has fallen in love with the chauffeur. Her interest is very local and very human. She is not worried about reincarnation; neither is she concerned about life after death. Her concern is more pragmatic. She is concerned with the present, here and now. Man is never here and now. He is always somewhere else. He has strange preoccupations: reincarnation, life after death.