Chapter 21: The Watermelon and the Knife
Delgado says that whenever we think that our pleasure, our pain, our misery, our joy is dependent on somebody outside, we are wrong. Outside are only excuses. And this is the teaching of all the ancient mystics: that your bliss is within you, the kingdom of god is within you. There are different ways of saying it. Delgado speaks in scientific terminology. Jesus speaks in a religious way.
You are saying that here with me, you feel ecstatic, orgasmic experiences. I want you to remember, I may be the excuse, but the whole doing is yours. You are absolutely independent. And it is better to remember it; then it can happen with any man, any tree, any beautiful sunset, any starry night, or just sitting silently doing nothing in the darkness of your room. You just have to find out what happens in you.
You are focused on the outside; that’s why you go on missing what is happening inside. You think it is happening because of the master, so you are focused on the master. Then you become attached to the master - that becomes your slavery. When something like this happens, close your eyes and see what is happening within you, and soon you will find small clues: how it happens, in what situations. You were silent, you were relaxed, you were not thinking. Your mind was empty, and it came like a flood. Then try it alone.
It is not happening with any other man because with any other man you are not silent. With any other man you are constantly quarreling, fighting, nagging. It is very difficult to find a woman who is not bitchy, and being bitchy do you think you will have ecstasy? You are bitchy, but the man will be the target. You think that he is the cause: why did he come late, where has he been?
One day Mulla Nasruddin’s wife was crying. As I entered their house, she started crying even more loudly. I said, “What is the matter?”
She said, “Now things have gone beyond control. This man” - and she pointed towards Mulla Nasruddin, her husband - “has been having affairs with women. There is no doubt about it, because many times I have found hairs on his coat, which are not his hairs - he is bald. The color is different.”
I said, “Have you found any today?”
She said, “Not today - that’s why I am crying, because today I looked minutely and found that there was no hair. It means he has started having affairs with bald women. This is too much; I cannot tolerate this. With women who have hair it is okay, but with women who are bald.”