Chapter 21: Be Here and Delight
So love first and don’t be worried about children, because then sooner or later you will start thinking about marriage. First love each other, and give each other total freedom. Don’t be possessed and don’t possess. Give the other full space to flower. Share as much as you can, and the sharing itself becomes a very very subtle possession which has no possessiveness about it; you are so certain of the other, you can trust.
Meditate, love, and one day when you feel that now you are overflowing, that you cannot contain it any longer and you would like a soul to carry your burden, your fulfillment, then give birth to a child, not before. One should wait till one has become perfectly grown up. The world would be so beautiful if people would wait for the right moment.
And it seems that you are dominated too much by your family.
By and by one has to move away from the family. Not that you should not love them; this is how you can love them. It is the only way. It is just as when a child is born and he moves away from the mother, then one day he moves away from the breast. Then he is ready one day to move to the neighborhood to play, and then to school. One day he comes home and he is totally different from when he left; he has become grown up. When he falls in love with another woman, that is the furthest he will go from the mother. In fact the day the child chooses his or her partner, that day he is really born, he actually comes out of the womb. Before that, the womb surrounds him in a thousand and one ways.
Everybody has to come out of the family otherwise they will not become themselves; they will always remain immature. One has to understand that to come back one has to first go away. When you have become your own, an authentic being, then you can come back to the home. Then you can again love your father, your mother and your brothers. But now you are there to love them, and before you were not. How can you love when you are not?
This is the trouble - that the family dominates the child too much, and is always afraid that he will go too far away from them. So they force him, they try subtle ways to influence him, condition him. The child goes on resisting deep down, and because of that resistance he cannot love them, cannot really love them.
Only an independent person can love, and a family is fulfilled when a person has become grown up. So just listen to your heart. You are grown up, and whatsoever your heart says, risk.
Your boyfriend is a vagabond, that’s perfectly true, but a beautiful vagabond, mm?
A woman relates a quarrel she has had with her boyfriend.