Chapter 21: Be Here and Delight
Just remember always that as you have your insane moments, he also has his. These are his insane words, don’t be worried about them.
Everybody occasionally has to be allowed a little insanity. When you are insane you understand, but when the other is insane you don’t understand.
He is saying these things because you have been hurting him, so he is sick of it all. Perfectly true - who is not sick of insanity? When you start becoming saner he will do the things you were doing; then his moment of negativity comes up. If you are in the day, he is in the night; if he is in the day, you are in the night.
Just look at the whole game of what goes on! Because he said he was not interested in sex, your ego was hurt. Very deep down, women are too identified with sex. They think that if somebody is interested in them, they must be interested in sex. If somebody says they are not interested in sex, the woman thinks he can’t be interested in her.
Look at the paradox of it. If somebody simply says that they are interested in sex, then the woman is hurt. She says that then they are not interested in her; she feels hurt. If somebody is only interested in you, then too you feel hurt. Deep down there is a confusion. The confusion is that you would like somebody to be interested in you and hence interested in sex; via you, he should be interested in sex.
People come to me every day: the man is interested in sex, the woman is not. The woman thinks she is being used, and then she starts thinking that the man is interested only in sex so she starts withdrawing. If this goes on to a peak by and by the man gets fed up; he starts not being interested in sex. Then the woman jumps, because this is the last chance - if the man escapes, he escapes. Get hold of him! So she starts becoming interested in sex - but now the man says he is not interested.
You have been hurting his ego, now there is a chance for him to hurt yours. You have been insane, throwing his things, and you must have said nasty things to him, so he is hurt. Now that you are coming back, he will take revenge. So give him a little rope to be insane and do things. By and by you will both become aware that you are wasting time.
So be open to each other and settle things. It is such a simple game, but you create so much out of it. That too is one of the parts of the human ego: that out of small things we create big problems. With small problems only a small ego can exist. So fighting and quarreling, this and that, and creating big problems around you, you feel perfectly good. Great problems are happening - and nothing is happening; only you and he are fighting, nothing else.
So talk to him, take his things back; and you have said bad things, so take them back too. Allow him to be a little nasty so he feels good, and be finished. Become aware of what you are doing to yourself and why.