Chapter 6: The Secrets of Spiritual Explosion
This awareness: that I am the barrier, the only barrier. And there is no other barrier at all, only my past - the dead past which accumulates like dust, goes on accumulating on my mirror-like consciousness. But the mirror-like consciousness is nowhere - only dust is there, and we become identified with the dust. Can you imagine yourself without your past? If your total past is destroyed, where will you be, whom will you be? If everything from the past is taken away, by and by you will feel that you are disintegrating and disappearing.
When there is no past, who are you? Where are you? With what, then, will you be identified? If there is no past, still you will be - but not the same - really, diametrically opposite to that which you are. If the whole past is taken away you will be just a consciousness. Then you cannot be an ego.
The ego is accumulated events - the past. If it is taken away from you, then you will be just like a mirror. Mirroring everything with no identity. If you become aware that you are the hindrance, you are not to do anything. This very awareness will destroy the old identity. And when the old identity is completely destroyed - when there is a gap between your real being and your memories, when there is space between the two - your ego and you - when there is a space between the two, within that space the explosion comes in. Within that space is the explosion.
This explosion cannot be comprehended intellectually. Whatsoever I am saying I am saying fully aware, that the more you will try to understand it, the less you will understand it. So do not be tense about it. Just be relaxed. And do not try to understand me - but rather feel whatsoever I am saying inside yourself. Feel it inside yourself. If I say that you are the past, then do not just hear my words. Don’t think whether it is right or wrong. Just simultaneously go in and feel whatsoever is being said: “Is it so?” Don’t think it right or wrong - in terms of right or wrong. Think in terms of facts: “Is it a fact?”
Go inside, and see whether you are the past, whether what I am saying is really a fact. Have you anything more than the past? Are you the dead past - or is there something living in you which is not part and parcel of the past? What is it? You cannot confine it to yourself, because the “I” is a confinement. The past is limited; so you can confine it. The past can be defined. It has happened, it is finite. But you become aware of something in you which is not of the past, but is here and now. And even if the whole past is destroyed, it will be.
So feel: that if there is something in you - even a glimpse of it - which will not be destroyed by the destruction of the past, what will it be? What is it? Then it is just a mirror-like consciousness, pure consciousness. Then you are not in it, but just a mirror which mirrors everything. Then you will feel the gap between your ego and you. Then you will see the space. And if you can remain in this understanding and in this awareness - then it becomes a meditation.