Chapter 22: The Transparency of Children
Life is a risk, but every growth is possible in danger and risk. Don’t protect them too much or they will become hot-house plants - almost useless. Let them be wild. Let them struggle in life, let them grow on their own, and they will always be grateful to you. And you will always be happy because later on you will see an aliveness in them.
With their children they will be happy, because they will not repeat a pattern in their lives. A few parents are needed to change the whole world. But it is difficult - you follow the pattern that your parents have forced on you. This is the problem that we can’t see at all: you cannot tolerate your mother, but you are following the same pattern. Your mother must have been very loving and she must have done whatsoever she could. She must have been thinking that she is creating a happy life for you - she still goes on thinking that she is trying to make a happy life for you.
You think she is creating an unhappy life for you; that’s your idea, not hers. But don’t repeat it, or your children won’t be able to tolerate you. It is hard, I understand.but be a little more aware. If you feel like going, it is for your happiness; or if you remain here, it is for your happiness. Otherwise you will not be able to forgive them, and for your whole life you will be saying that you wanted to be in India but because of them you are here. That becomes heavy.
Always remember, never try to be unselfish, and never try to show that you are unselfish. That is one of the dangerous cancer-like diseases. Unselfishness kills people - it is poison. Just remain true to your own happiness and you will be helping everybody.
So I don’t see any confusion there; it is very clear. But I am not saying to do this, and whatsoever I say is only a suggestion. It is not a prescription and you are not to follow it, because then I become the authority and I start forcing my ideas of happiness on you, and it goes on and on and on.
These are just my suggestions. If you feel - and you have to feel - do them. Do them because you feel they are right, not because I have said them. But if you continue in confusion, the children by and by will feel that they are creating trouble for you - so it is better to accept and see whatsoever you want to do. These become very subtle methods of coercion. These are very violent methods, so drop them and just decide something.
If you cannot decide, consult the I Ching!
I feel much freer through the meditations and groups I’ve done in London, but my feelings are still blocked. I don’t feel to take sannyas at the moment, but maybe after the groups here.
But you don’t feel - that’s the problem! It is going to help. Rather than waiting for the feeling to come, take sannyas and the feeling will follow; that too, happens. Immediately you will feel a change.