Chapter 8: Life in True Faith
If you think of hate while making love, you will not be able to enjoy it the way you have been enjoying it. But is it really an enjoyment or just an obsession? Have you really enjoyed love? If you had enjoyed then you would have flowered, then you would have a different fragrance - and it is not there. Then you would have a different illumination of being, and it is not there. You are empty, poor, deep within - dark, no flame. So what type of enjoyment has this love and life and everything been? No, you have been just deceiving.
Your love is nothing but an intoxicant, a drug: for a few moments you fall into it and forget. Then comes hate and then you are in misery. And again, because you are in misery, you seek love, and your love is nothing but again falling into a deep sleep. This has been your pattern. All that you call happiness is nothing but falling into sleep. Wherever you feel a good sleep, you see it as being happy.
What is a happy man in your mind? He is a man who is not troubled by things. That’s why there is so much appeal in alcohol, in drugs, because then worries are forgotten. What is your love? It seems to be a biological in-built process of drugging yourself. And it is chemical; chemicals of the body are released, so the balance of the chemicals is changed. It is not much different from marijuana or LSD, because the basic thing is the change of chemicals in the body.
Love changes; a fast also changes: the chemicals of the body lose their old pattern. In that new pattern, for a few moments you feel good. Again the hate comes, again the world enters, and the worries, and you are again in the wheel. This you have been doing for many, many lives.
Now try something Sosan is saying, and this is what all buddhas have said. Look while you are in love, while you are making love - don’t be afraid - look how it is turning into hate. While you are alive, look how it is going into death - each breath and you are moving into death. Every moment of time slips away, and death is coming nearer and nearer. Look how your youth is becoming old age. Look to the opposite!
Courage is needed, because the old pattern will not be helped; it will be destroyed by it. But once you can see hate in love, you will attain to a tranquility which is beyond both. If you can see both life and death together, you transcend. In a single stroke you transcend. In a single stroke you are out of bondage, you are a free soul for the first time - you are freedom itself. That’s why we call this ultimate state moksha, freedom.
Nothing is to be done. You have to become more aware in your doings, become more conscious. That is the only meditation: become more alert. In a sharp moment of awareness, the awareness becomes a weapon, and in a single stroke all bondage is broken.
Enough for today.