Chapter 4: Love Cannot Deliver the Goods
In the moment of love there is great hope. You feel you have almost arrived - and yet you never arrive. You feel it is almost going to happen - now this is the moment - and the moment comes and passes by and you are left again in the same wasteland as you have always been in. The clouds gather and it never rains and the desert remains a desert. If those clouds don’t gather you will not be so hopeful. You know it is a desert. You accept it. You adjust to it. But one day suddenly you see great clouds gathering, you feel it in the winds that it is going to rain, you feel it all around that it is going to rain, your heart starts pulsating that now this desert will no longer be a desert, now green trees will grow and birds will sing and there will be celebration.. And those clouds start disappearing.
Have you not seen it? Some day, walking in a dark night on a dark street, suddenly a car passes by with a flood of light. And after the car has gone the darkness is more than before. What happened? You were walking in the same night in the same darkness, but those lights, those headlights of the car, suddenly filled your eyes with light for a moment. Now in comparison the darkness is more. For a few minutes you may not be able to see at all. You will be left completely blind. This has been done by the light.
The situation is exactly the same.when you are in love you are flooded with light. But then it is gone - it comes and it goes, it is momentary. And in the wake is great sadness.
Even while love is there, those who are very perceptive know it is not going to be so forever. It is momentary. They are still trembling. Love is there, but they know it is going to go - hence sadness.
The question is from Abhinava. She must be very perceptive, intuitive. She must have the heart which can feel things even when ordinarily people don’t feel. When there is love you enjoy; when it is gone you become sad. But if you are very, very perceptive you will become aware that exactly in the moment when love is there, just by the corner sadness is lurking.
Says Berdyaev: “Love in particular seemed to me to carry within itself the seed of anguish, and I have frequently been amazed that people could experience the exaltation of love as sheer joy and happiness.” He seems to be puzzled.
This man, Nikolai Berdyayev, was one of the greatest existentialists of this century. And existentialism has penetrated into life’s mysteries very deeply - not to the very end, of course, but existentialism is a good beginning. One should not get stuck in it because the beginning is negative. If you don’t go deeper into it, it remains negative. It starts turning to a positive quality only when you really go deep into it.
Buddha is also an existentialist, but he went to the very end. Sartre, Heidegger, Jaspers, Marcel, Berdyayev, they are also existentialists, but they are stuck somewhere in the middle, they have not gone to the very end. So they remain negative. But the insight is right - on the right line, in the right direction. The existentialists talk of despair, anguish, anxiety, angst, depression, sadness, misery - all that is dark, dismal. They never talk of bliss, they never talk of joy, they never talk of celebration. Yet, I would like to tell you, that they are moving in the right direction. If they move a little more, soon they will find joy arising.