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OSHO Online Library   »   The Books   »   Zen: The Solitary Bird
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Chapter 10: Be at the Center

Intellectually, everything is superficial. But existentially is to know with your very marrow, with your very heart, with your very beyond. There is no question of forgetting, ever.

I can give you proof: for thirty-five years I have been trying to forget it and I have failed. I try, day in and day out, to forget. It is so easy to be unenlightened - everybody is enjoying spaghetti! - but because of this enlightenment, just the remembrance of spaghetti and I start feeling it is better to commit suicide. Spaghetti? And people are enjoying all kinds of nonsense..

Unfortunately, I became enlightened.

You are very fortunate. Enjoy a little longer. But remember, if you linger long enough by my side, one day you are going to become enlightened and never forget it. And you will never forgive me either!

Father Murphy is in the church one Friday night when the door bursts open and Paddy stumbles in, very drunk. The priest watches him stagger around the church until he finds the confessional booth and goes inside.

Father Murphy feels compassion for the poor drunk Paddy, and goes to hear his confession. He enters his side of the booth and waits for Paddy to begin.

Paddy says nothing, just grunts and groans a bit, and then there is silence. The priest becomes impatient and starts knocking on the wall, to encourage Paddy to begin his confession.

“It is no good banging on the wall!” cries Paddy. “There is no toilet paper in here either!”

Now, the right joke at the right time:

Sammy and Clarissa have just got married. But shortly after arriving at the honeymoon hotel, the still nervous Sammy becomes worried about the state of his bride’s innocence. Deciding on the direct approach, he quickly undresses. Then pointing at his exposed manhood, he asks Clarissa, “Honey, do you know what this is?”

Without hesitation, she blushes and says, “Why yes, that is a wee-wee.”

Delighted at the idea of instructing his innocent wife in the ways of love, Sammy whispers, “From now on, dearest, this will be called a prick.”

“Ah, come on!” says Clarissa. “That’s a wee-wee. A prick is big and black!”

Bernard the bartender owns a dog called Bessie, who always hangs out in the bar during the evening. But one day, just after Bernard has opened the bar, Bessie wanders over to the entrance and deposits a big shit just inside the door. Bernard does not notice this, and the first customer to come in is Kowalski.

Kowalski’s first step inside lands straight in the pile of shit. He slips ass over tit, slides along the floor and hits his head against the bar.

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