Chapter 18: Neither This, Nor That
Unless this happens, your seeing lights and colors and hearing sounds - beautiful, very beautiful - they are child’s play. Good to play with them, but that’s not the aim of meditation. That happens on the road, just byproducts, but don’t be concerned.
Many people come to me and they will say, “Now I am seeing a blue light, so what is the sign? How much have I progressed?” A blue light will not do, because your anger is giving a red light. Basic psychological changes are meaningful, so don’t go for toys. These are toys, spiritual toys - “But you can become a paramahansa if you see a blue light!” - they are not the ends.
In relationship, observe what is happening. Now how are you behaving towards your wife? Observe it. Is there any change? That change is meaningful. How are you behaving with your servant? Is there any change? That change is significant. And if there is no change, then throw your blue light. It is of no help. You are deceiving and you can go on deceiving. These are tricks, easily achieved. That’s why a religious man, a so-called religious man, begins to feel himself religious: because now he is seeing this and that. But he remains the same, he even gets worse!
Your progress must be observed in your relationship. Relationship is the mirror: see your face there. Always remember relationship is the mirror. If your meditation is going deep, your relationship will become different - totally different. Love will be the basic note of your relationship, not violence. As it is, violence is the basic note. Even if you look at someone, you look in a violent way. But we are accustomed to it.
Meditation for me is not a children’s play, it is a deep transformation. How to know this transformation? It is being reflected every moment in your relationships. Do you try to possess someone? Then you are violent. How can one possess someone? Are you trying to dominate someone? Then you are violent. How can one dominate anyone? Love cannot dominate, love cannot possess.
So what you are doing, be aware, observe it, and then go on meditating. Soon you will begin to feel the change. Now there is no possessiveness in relationship. By and by, possessiveness disappears. And when possessiveness is not there, relationship has a beauty of its own. When possessiveness is there, everything becomes dirty, ugly, inhuman.
But we are such deceivers that we will not look at ourselves in relationship, because there the real face can be seen. So we close our eyes to relationship, and we go on thinking that something is going to be seen inside. You cannot see anything inside.
First you will feel your inner transformation in your outer relationships, and then you will go deep. Then only will you begin to feel something inner. But we have a settled attitude about ourselves. We don’t want to look into relationship at all, because then the naked face comes up.