Chapter 28: The Disappearance of Sex
Secondly, every meditator has found that sex starts disappearing into something tremendously different - from biology into something spiritual. Rather than creating a bondage, a possessiveness, it opens up doors of freedom. All relationships disappear and one feels, in his aloneness, absolute contentment; a fulfillment that one could not even have dreamed of.
But because meditators found this happening, without any exception, the people who wanted to meditate inferred wrongly that perhaps repressing sex is going to help them in transforming their energies. Hence all organized religions started teaching a life of condemnation, renunciation; a life which is basically negative. This was a misunderstanding.
Through repressing sex you can pervert the energy but you cannot convert it. Conversion comes as you become more silent, as your heart becomes more harmonious, as your mind becomes more and more peaceful. As you start coming closer and closer to your being, to your very center, a transformation that is not your doing happens on its own accord. The energy that you had known as sexual becomes your very spirituality. It is the same energy, just the direction has changed. It is not going downward, it is moving upward.
What is happening to you is going to happen to every sannyasin - without exception. Hence your question is going to be everybody’s question sooner or later. And whenever it happens, the partner who is left behind should not feel offended but on the contrary, should feel blissful and happy that at least to his beloved, or to his friend, a beautiful experience is happening, “And I hope to join him or her as soon as possible.”
Your effort should be to go deeper into meditation so you can keep company with your partner, and you can go on dancing together towards the ultimate goal of life. But remember, as you will grow in your spirituality your sexuality is going to disappear. There will be a new kind of love - a purity, a deep innocence, with no possessiveness, with no jealousy; but with all the compassion in the world, to help each other in the inner growth.
So you should not feel that something has gone wrong with you; something has suddenly gone right with you. You were not alert; you have been caught unawares.
Little Hymie was walking along the street with little Betty, aged four. As they were about to cross the street, little Hymie remembered his mother’s teaching.
“Let me hold your hand,” he offered gallantly.
“Okay,” replied Betty. “But I want you to know you are playing with fire.”
Any relationship between man and woman is playing with fire - and particularly if you also start being a meditator. Then you are surrounded by a wildfire, because so many changes are going to happen - for which you are not prepared, and cannot be prepared. You are going to travel in an unknown territory every moment, every day. And there will be many times when either you will be left behind, or your partner will be left behind - and this will be a deep anguish to both.