Chapter 7: Empty from Birth to Death
I really felt affected when you talked about Rajen the other night, because I feel friendship for him, and I feel he loves you as he did before. I feel that in dropping the mala and the red clothes, he is simply trying to experience something new.
I must admit, though, that having worked with him for years, in the most recent group experience with him just a few days ago the quality of his work felt different: I missed the feeling of your presence through him. Please comment.
Your question itself is the answer. If he loves me, then in his groups my presence would have become even more tangible. If my presence in his groups has disappeared, then what he calls love is just an empty word. This is a simple thing.
Neither dropping the mala nor the red clothes is important, because I have allowed it myself. But in his groups he is saying, “I used to serve Osho through surrender. I am still serving him, through making you free of Osho.” The whole world is free of me. Nobody needs to work to make people free of me. The whole world is already free of me.
But why is my presence being missed? He has lost contact with my heart; his heart is no longer beating with my heart. And it is not only with Rajen. It is so with many other therapists. Only a few have proved the fire test, like Prasad, who has not just remained the same, but has become more deeply involved with me on a new basis, a new flowering of love. In his groups my presence has become deeper. And his work has changed; his therapy has become different, more effective.
But all these people are unconscious. Their love is not what I mean by love. Perhaps at the most, their love means that they don’t hate me. Even that much will be great, because most of them may even be angry with me for the simple reason that they had become accustomed to being just a follower. The whole responsibility was on me. Now I have given back the responsibility to them; they can be angry - they are bound to be angry. They may go on saying like old parrots, “I love you,” but their actions don’t prove it.
Ananda Teertha and a few others with him have opened a meditation academy in Italy. Devageet was there. In finding the place, in arranging the place he worked hard, but finally he was very disappointed because they did not want my name to be associated with the academy.
Devageet said, “I have been working day and night just so that we can create an academy for Osho, and you are not ready even to mention his name in the brochure!” They all had their pictures in the brochure, and they were not willing to have my picture in the brochure.