Chapter 27: I Can See a Shoe in Your Heart
More and more easily do I feel filled with you during discourse, and thoughts tend not to intrude as much as they used to. Still, the fact remains that I don’t carry the serenity and bliss that I feel in your presence into my daily activities. And until there is no difference between how I feel near you and away, I haven’t got it, have I? It feels as if all other questions are simply a distraction to avoid this homework. Is this so?
The difference that you feel in my presence from when you are doing something alone is going to remain to the very last moment. The explosion will come, but there is no way to say when. The time will come certainly when there will be no difference: either you are in my presence or you are alone - it will be the same. It becomes the same only when, in your aloneness also, you start feeling my presence. When you are doing other things, they are not distractions; you are doing them for me.
Love is full of mysteries, but even this much is more than one can expect because it is a right becoming - you have started feeling me. Now that feeling will continue to grow on its own; you have to be just nourishing it. Don’t make it a problem. Rather accept it as a necessity of growth.
The first flowers of the spring have come. All the flowers will be coming soon. And one should not expect, one should rather learn to enjoy that which is happening. That allows more happenings, makes you available, and open and vulnerable for greater possibilities.
The real problem is when nothing is happening. You can feel no difference at two points: if in my presence, you don’t feel anything different in your being - it feels just the same as you are when you are alone, or with others, or doing something else - this is the lowest point. There is no difference. On the highest point, also, there will be no difference. It is a question of how much deeper your melting and your merging becomes. It does not depend on you. There is nothing like homework - you cannot do anything.you can only wait, you can only hope, you can only trust. And existence brings everything to your door.
Eighty-year-old Goldstein marries a very beautiful and attractive twenty-year-old girl. All his friends and business partners, lustlessly married since ages, declare him foolish. “How can you in your old age expect her to be faithful to you?” they ask.
Shrewd old Goldstein smiles and says, “Why shouldn’t I expect it? I don’t understand your concern since it has been my basic principle all my life, that it is better to have only a twenty-five percent share in an excellent business than a hundred percent share in a lousy one.”
Even a twenty-five percent share in a good business is great. Don’t ask for a hundred percent in a lousy one. That twenty-five percent is happening. The seventy-five percent will also follow, but it is a question of happening - it is not part of doing. And it is good that there are things men cannot do, but can only be a recipient of. Only those things are valuable which you cannot do, but which happen. They don’t have a price, but they have value. Things that you can do have a price, but they don’t have any value.