Chapter 7: Awareness: The Fire That Burns the Past
Why is it healed? - because a wound is created by unconsciousness, unawareness. A wound is part of ignorance, sleep. When you consciously go backwards and look at the wound, consciousness is a healing force. In the past, when the wound happened, it happened in unconsciousness. You were angry, you were possessed by anger, you did something: you killed a man and you have been hiding the fact from the world. You can hide it from the police, you can hide it from the court and the law, but how can you hide it from yourself? - you know, it hurts. And whenever somebody gives you an opportunity to be angry you become afraid because it could happen again, you could kill the wife. Go back, because at that moment when you murdered a man or you behaved in a very angry and mad way, you were unconscious. In the unconscious those wounds have been preserved. Now go consciously.
Prati-prasav, going back, means going consciously to things which you have done in unconsciousness. Go back - just the light of consciousness heals. It is a healing force. Whatsoever you can make conscious will be healed, and then it will hurt no more.
A man who goes backwards releases the past. Then the past is no more functioning, then the past has no more grip on him and the past is finished. The past has no place in his being. And when the past has no place in your being, then you are available to the present, never before it. You need space; the past is so much inside - a junkyard of dead things. There is no space for the present to enter. That junkyard goes on dreaming about the future, so half the place is filled with that which is no more and half the place is filled with that which is not yet. And the present? - it simply waits outside the door. That’s why the present is nothing but a passage, a passage from the past to the future, just a momentary passage.
Be finished with the past! Unless you are finished with the past you are living a ghost life. Your life is not true, it is not existential. The past lives through you, the dead goes on haunting you. Go backwards - whenever you have an opportunity, whenever something happens in you: happiness, unhappiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, close the eyes and go backwards. Soon you will become efficient in travelling backwards. Soon you will be able to go back in time and then many wounds will open. When those wounds open inside you, don’t start doing something. There is no need to do. You simply watch, look, observe; the wound is there. You simply watch, give your watching energy to the wound, look at it. Look at it without any judgment because if you judge, if you say, “This is bad, this should not be so,” the wound will close again. Then it will have to hide. Whenever you condemn then the mind tries to hide things. That’s how the conscious and unconscious are created. Otherwise, mind is one; there is no need for any division. But you condemn. Then the mind has to divide and put things in the dark, in the basement so you cannot see them - and then there is no need to condemn.
Don’t condemn, don’t appreciate. You simply be a witness, an unattached observer. Don’t deny. Don’t say, “This is not good,” because that is a denial and you have started suppressing. Be detached. Just watch and look. Look with compassion and the healing will happen.