Chapter 28: Death Never Happens to You
Participants in the first AUM marathon offered here are present this evening. Osho reads a letter that the group leader sent him prior to this meeting. He turns to the group leader and asks him if he has anything else to add.
I’ve been a leader in the West, and I’ve been looking into myself about what throws me off a bit about doing a marathon here. I’ve never had anyone to account to. I started to look at what I’m doing, and I realize that a lot is wanting to please you, to get your approval. I think that was important for me. The marathon seemed to be turning out better for the leaders than for the participants, from my point of view.
Mm mm, I understand. I was thinking that it was going to happen that way, because you have been working on your own. Of course you could have more freedom that way, and there was no one you were accountable to. So it was easier; you could do things more spontaneously. I am here, and that was constantly in the background. That became a problem for your leadership. You could have dropped it - and then it would have been a great maturity for you.
To be free in the sense of being irresponsible is not really freedom. Being responsible and free has something of tremendous value in it. Responsibility becomes a growth for you too, so not only the participants, but the leader too is part of the whole group. If you are working on your own you don’t grow through it - you can’t, because you remain outside. So you help people - you push and pull and manipulate and force, and you create an urgency in them - but you remain an outsider.
That’s what I have been feeling, not only about you, but about all the group leaders who have come here - and many more will be coming. They have been helpful to other people, but they have not been helpful to themselves. In fact they are in a mess. When I say that, I don’t mean that they have not been helpful; they have been tremendously helpful, but they have become divided.
Their own personality is just standing outside the group, and they have become technicians. So they use a technique, and they help others, but they have a dual personality. When they are dealing with others’ problems they are very true to the point; they know exactly what should be done. But when it comes to their own problems they completely forget their own advice, their own wisdom.
I wanted it this way so you become aware that you still have to grow. Sometimes helping others can become an escape, because you forget your own problems. There is no time or space to think about them; so many people, so many problems that you have to solve. You always have to be the wise guy, so you remain outside. How can you bring up your own problems? If you do, it will be difficult to help others, because they become unconfident about you. So you have to pretend that you are absolutely certain about what you are doing. The act helps others, it certainly helps, but for your own growth it is poisonous.