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Chapter 14: Conscious Dying

Then he writes in the second book that it is not possible to prove God through pure reason, but practical reason needs him. So God is not a rational hypothesis, but, practically, a reasonable hypothesis. Without God the whole thing will become unreasonable. So he says God is - not that God is, but because God is needed. Without God man is not possible. So if God is not, he has to be invented because only then does morality become possible.

For us there are so many hypotheses like this. We go on believing in them - not that we know, but if we don’t believe in them then we will know our ignorance, our deep ignorance. We want to avoid it, we want to escape from it.

Contentment to us is really a deep escape. We cannot fight life. We try, but we cannot succeed in it. No one ever succeeds. Everyone comes upon barriers; there are limitations. Not only those who are weak, but also those who are very strong in our eyes, who are more strong than others and who come a little further ahead, they also come to barriers. And from those barriers there is no escape. Even a Napoleon has to die. Even an Alexander comes to know things which he cannot conquer. Then what to do?

One thing is to remain continuously in discontent. That will become a cancer. You cannot sleep it off, you cannot forget it any moment. It will become a continuous worry, an inner cancer in the mind. So you create a facade of contentment: “I am a contented man. It is not that I cannot overcome these barriers but I don’t want to.” This is a rationalization: “I don’t want to. It is not that I cannot win but I am not interested in winning.” You withdraw yourself and you give a rational flavor to it.

This contentment is a rationalization, a shrewd, cunning rationalization. This gives you a certain hope that if you want to you can do it.

Look at it in this way. I have known many people. One man I know, he is a habitual alcoholic. For thirty years he has been trying to drop alcohol. He cannot drop it. it has become impossible. But still he goes on saying, he will come to me and he will say, “Any day I can drop it - if I will it.” And he has tried continuously for thirty years. He has willed so many times, and was defeated, and again he would fall. But he still goes on saying, “If I will, I can drop this habit in a moment.”

Because of this hope that “If I will” he still feels that he is not a defeated man. He is already a defeated man, but this hope allows him to live. He goes on thinking that he is not a slave, any moment he can drop it. He is only not dropping it because he doesn’t want to drop it.

So one day I asked him, “You go on saying ‘If I will..’ But have you not tried so many times, have you not willed so many times, to drop it?”

So he said, “Yes, I have tried many times, but the effort was not really wholehearted.”

So I asked him, “Have you tried any time when the effort was wholehearted?”

He said, “No! If I try wholeheartedly I can drop it this very moment.”

So I asked him, “Is it possible for you to do it wholeheartedly? Is it in your capacity to will it wholeheartedly? Is your will your own?”

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