Chapter 8: Just a Quantum Leap
Sambodhi, to be attached to me is the beginning of disciplehood. And this is not the kind of attachment that you have known before. Those attachments were a kind of bondage. You were attached to your chains, now you are becoming attached to freedom. To be attached to a master is to be in love, to fall in love with freedom.
A master is one who makes freedom available to you. Be attached; don’t be worried. Just because of the word don’t be deceived, don’t think that you have known this attachment before. All those attachments were just on the way: they come and they go, they are momentary. This attachment will not go. You will go before this attachment. You will disappear. This attachment is going to kill you, to destroy you, to annihilate you. All those other attachments were not to annihilate you, they were to strengthen you. You fall in love with a man or a woman and you are attached, very much attached, because it enhances your ego. It gives you a sense of significance - you are somebody. You are attached to money because money enhances your ego. You are attached to power, respect, respectability, knowledge, because all those things give you a sense that you are.
To be attached to a master is to commit suicide. This is the right beginning, Sambodhi. Now you are really turning into a disciple, and I know this is happening. Sambodhi has come here accidentally. She has come because of Amitabh, she has been in a deep attachment to Amitabh. When Amitabh moved here, she came. Amitabh became a sannyasin so she became a sannyasin. But she was joined to me through Amitabh. Now, for the first time, I have seen the glimpse in her eyes that she is approaching me directly. Hence, this problem of attachment is arising. But this attachment is to something vast, something enormous - you will be lost in it.
This is new, radically new, and fear will arise, and the mind may rationalize that this is again an attachment. And the mind has never been against other attachments, remember. The mind was never afraid of other attachments, the mind was really always for attachments. Now, for the first time, the mind will say, “What are you doing? You are getting into attachment.” Now the mind will become a saint and sermonize to you that “This is attachment. Don’t get into this attachment. Beware, you are falling into a trap.” And this mind has never said this same thing to you. In fact it was always taking you into deeper attachments. Mind exists through attachments.
Now this is a totally different kind of attachment - mind is afraid. The mind will say, “If you take this step, then this will be suicidal.” The mind will create new rationalizations, philosophize.
Sambodhi, you say, “Since returning to Pune two weeks ago.” It is not only that you have become aware. Two weeks ago when you came here and when I saw you for the first time, I had seen your eyes: they are turning towards me for the first time without Amitabh in between. This is a good sign. Now you have really become a sannyasin. Now the initiation is happening. The first time it was so-so. I had initiated you because I knew the potential. I had seen the potential, that sooner or later you would fall in love with me, so for the time being, hang around. Any excuse would do - Amitabh is a beautiful excuse.