Chapter 17: Responsibility Is a Sincerity of the Heart
Nobody knows in fact. One has to understand this: that one has to live without knowing it. By living, by and by you will come to know it. There is no other way. One never knows what is real and what is unreal. Live life - and by and by, that which gives you happiness is real, and that which gives you pain and suffering and nothing else is unreal.
I know nothing is clear, I can understand your difficulty - and it is everybody’s difficulty. Everybody is in the same boat. I don’t think you are stupid. It is good that you understand that you don’t know. This is good. One has to grope in the dark. Truth is not something that can be given to you; you have to seek and search.
But I don’t know where to search and how(
Love, cry, laugh, weep, dance - these things you can do. By and by you will come to feel it.
I don’t feel really happy, and I don’t feel really unhappy in anything I do.
Then this is the thing to be tried! Feel really unhappy. Don’t you ever feel really unhappy? I can give you a few people who can make you really unhappy, mm? (a laugh)
I often felt very unhappy with my boyfriend in Germany.
Were you unhappy with him? So love will give you something - at least it can give unhappiness. If you can be really unhappy, then you become capable of being really happy.
So whatsoever you are, be real. If you can cry, really cry. If you laugh, really laugh - and be authentic. Move to the very depth of it.
I’m so afraid to.
Then be afraid totally. Nothing is wrong in that either! Whatsoever you do, whatsoever you feel like being, be in it. Don’t start thinking about it; live it. By and by you will have a feeling of who you are.