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Chapter 21: Session 21

I understand him, so when I say that although he was not an enlightened master, not a master in any way, I still count him as number two, after Magga Baba, because he recognized me when it was impossible to do so, absolutely impossible. I may not have even recognized myself, but he recognized me.

When I entered his vice president’s office for the first time and we looked at each other, eye to eye, for a moment there was just silence. Then he stood up and said to me, “Please sit down.”

I said, “There is no need for you to stand up.”

He said, “It is not a question of need, and it makes me so happy to stand up for you. I have never felt that before - and I have stood before the governor and all the so-called powerful people. I have seen the viceroy in New Delhi, but I was not mystified as I am by you, I confess. Please don’t tell anybody.”

And this is for the first time that I have ever told it. I have kept it a secret all these years, forty years. It feels like a relief.

This morning Gudia said, “You slept so late.”

Yes, last night I slept, for the first time in many years, as I would like to sleep every night. During the whole night I was not disturbed even for a single moment. Usually I have to look at my watch once in a while just to see whether it is time to get up. But last night, after many years, I did not look at my watch at all.

I even had to miss Devaraj’s concoction. That’s what I call his special breakfast mixture. It is a concoction but it is really good. It is difficult to eat because it takes half an hour just to chew it, but it is really healthy and nourishing. We should make it available to everybody - Devaraj’s concoction for breakfast. Of course it is not fast, it is slow, very, very slow. Can we call it a “break-slow”? But then it would not sound right.

I had to miss breakfast today for two reasons: first, I had to keep Devageet’s time, and still I was five minutes late, and I don’t like to be late. Secondly, if I had started that concoction it would have taken so much time to eat that by the time I had finished, it would have been lunch time. There would have been no gap, which is needed. So I thought I would miss it. But I really enjoy it, and in missing it, I really miss it.

Last night was one of the rarest for the simple reason that yesterday I spoke to you about Shambhu Babu, and it relieved me of a weight. I also talked about my father and the continuous struggle and how it ended. I felt so unburdened.

Shambhu Babu was a man who could have become a realized one, but missed it. He missed because of too much intellectuality. He was an intellectual giant. He could not sit silently even for a single moment. I was present when he died. It is a strange destiny that I have to see everyone I love die.

I was not very far away when he was dying. He phoned just before to say, “Come quickly if you can because I don’t think that I can last long. I mean,” he said, “that I can’t last even a few days.”

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