Chapter 2: Totality Is Bliss
That condemned part of our being becomes the unconscious. That’s why we never think that our unconscious is ours. You dream in the night: you dream a very sexual dream, or a violent dream, and you murder someone - you murder your wife. In the morning you feel no guilt; you say it was just a dream. It is not just a dream. Nothing is just something. It was your dream, but it belongs to your unconscious. And in the morning you identify yourself with the conscious, so you say, “It is just a dream. It doesn’t belong to me. It just happened. It is irrelevant, accidental.” You never feel associated with it. But it was your dream and you created it. It was your mind and it was you who did the act. Even in the dream it was you who murdered, who killed or who raped.
Because of this condemnatory phenomenon of consciousness, Adam and Eve became afraid, ashamed of their nakedness. They tried to hide their bodies - not only their bodies, but later on their minds also. So we are also doing the same thing. What is good, what is taken as good by our society, you put it in your conscious; and what is bad, what is condemned by our society as bad, you throw into the unconscious. It becomes a rubbish bag. You go on throwing things into it - it remains there. Deep down in your roots it goes on working. It affects you every moment. Your conscious mind is just impotent against your unconscious, because your conscious mind is just a byproduct of the society, and your unconscious is natural, biological. It has the energy, the force. So you can go on thinking good things, but you will go on doing bad things.
Saint Augustine is reported to have said, “My God, this is the only problem for me: whatsoever I think is worth doing I never do, and whatsoever I know is not to be done I do always.” This is not a problem only for Augustine - it is for everyone who is divided between conscious and unconscious.
With the feeling of shame, Adam was divided into two. He became ashamed of himself, and that part he became ashamed of was cut loose from his conscious mind. Since then man has lived a bifurcated, fragmented life.
And why did he become ashamed? There was no one, no preacher, no religious church, to tell him to be ashamed. The moment you become aware, ego enters in. You become an observer. Without awareness you are just part, part of a great life; you are not different and separate. If a wave in the ocean can become aware, the wave will create an ego different from the ocean that very moment. If the wave becomes aware that “I am,” then the wave can never think itself one with the ocean, one with other waves. It becomes different, separate; ego is created. Knowledge creates the ego.
Children are without egos because they are without knowledge. They are ignorant, and ego cannot come up in ignorance. The more you grow, the more you grow towards ego. Old men have very strengthened, deep-rooted egos. It is natural. Their egos have existed for seventy or eighty years. They have a long history.
If you go back in memory and remember your childhood, you may be surprised to know why you cannot remember, you cannot regress beyond your fourth or third year. You can remember, ordinarily we remember, facts which belong to our fifth year or fourth year, at the most the third year, but the first three years are just vacant. They were there, and many things happened, but why can we not remember? Because the ego was not there it is difficult to remember - because, in a way, you were not, so how can you remember? If you were there you would remember, but you were not. You cannot remember.