Chapter 4: Be a Light unto Yourself
Live more authentically. Drop the masks; they are a weight on your heart. Drop all falsities. Be exposed. Of course it is going to be troublesome, but that trouble is worth it because only after that trouble will you grow and become mature. And then nothing is holding life. Each moment life reveals its newness. It is a constant miracle happening all around you; only you are hiding behind dead habits.
Become a buddha if you don’t want to be bored. Live each moment as fully alert as possible, because only in full alertness will you be able to drop the mask, otherwise you have completely forgotten what your original face is. Even when you stand before the mirror in your bathroom and you are alone, there is nobody there. Even standing before the mirror you don’t see your original face in the mirror; there too you go on deceiving.
Existence is available for those who are available to existence. And then I tell you, there is no boredom. Life is infinite delight.
The third question:
I feel so much resistance against meditation and I don’t have this desire for God that you speak about. Is this the right place for me?
If you feel much resistance against meditation it simply shows that deep down you are alert that something is going to happen which will change your total life. You are afraid of being reborn. You have invested too much in your old habits, in the old personality, in the old identity.
Meditation is nothing but trying to clean your being, trying to become fresh and young, trying to become more alive and more alert. If you are afraid of meditation it means you are afraid of life. You are afraid of awareness. And the resistance comes because you know that if you move into meditation, something is bound to happen. If you are not resisting at all it may be because you don’t take meditation very seriously, you don’t take meditation very sincerely. Then you can play around - what is there to be afraid of?
It is exactly because you are resisting that this is the right place for you. This is precisely the right place for you. The resistance shows that something is going to happen. One never resists without a deep cause.
You must be living a very dead life. Now you are afraid that something is becoming alive, something is changing. You resist. Resistance is an indication, resistance is a very clear indication that you have suppressed much. Now in meditation that suppression will surface, it will be released. You would also like to be released of the burden, but in that burden there are investments.