Chapter 9: Watching the Watcher
But he is trying, and I am certain that he will succeed. It is going to happen. On the one hand he has hankered for the attention of others, but sooner or later you become tired of it too, because it is just artificial food. Maybe it tastes good, maybe its flavor is beautiful, but it does not nourish, it does not give you vitality.
Personality is a showpiece. It can deceive others, but it cannot deceive you, at least not for long. That’s why Sarvesh has come here, tired, exhausted by all the attention. But old habits persists a little longer. Sooner or later he will start enjoying himself, sooner or later he will start enjoying his individuality.
And the day you can enjoy your individuality, you are free - free from dependence on others. If you ask for their attention you have to pay for it later. It is a bondage. The more you ask people to be attentive towards you, the more you are becoming a thing, a commodity, which can be sold and purchased.
That’s what happens to all public figures - to politicians, to showbiz people. This is one kind of witnessing; you want to be witnessed. It gives you respectability, and in order to have respectability you will have to create character and morality. But all that character and all that morality is just hypocrisy. You create it with a motivation, so that others can be attracted towards you.
If you want respectability you will have to be a conformist, you will have to be obedient to the society and its demands. You will have to live according to wrong values, because the society consists of people who are fast asleep - their values cannot be right values.
Yes, but there is one thing: you can become a saint. That’s how thousands of your saints are. They have sacrificed everything at the altar of respectability. They have tortured themselves, they have been suicidal, but they have gained one thing. They have become saints, people worship them.
If you want that kind of worship, respectability, sainthood, then you will become more and more false, more and more pseudo, more and more plastic. You will never be a real rose. And that is the greatest calamity in life that can happen to a man, to be a plastic rose and not to be a real rose.
The second kind of witnessing is totally different, just the polar opposite. It is not that you hanker for others’ attention; on the contrary, you start paying attention to yourself. You become a witness to your own being. You start watching your thoughts, desires, dreams, motives, greeds, jealousies. You create a new kind of awareness within you. You become a center, a silent center which goes on watching whatsoever is happening.
You are angry, and you watch it. You are not just angry, a new element is introduced into it: you are watching it. And the miracle is that if you can watch anger, the anger disappears without being repressed.