Chapter 8: The Head Is Compulsory, but Not the Cap
Your desires apart.existence does not listen to your desires, and does not follow your desires, however beautiful and however pious. Existence goes on in its own way. Everything changes - and love is not an exception.
Now, perhaps I am the first person who wants to make it understood by everyone that love changes: it begins, it comes of age, it becomes old, it dies. And I think it is good the way it is. It gives you many more chances of loving other people, to make life richer - because each person has something special to contribute to you. The more you love, the more rich you are, the more loving you become.
If the false idea of permanence is dropped, jealousy will drop automatically; then jealousy is meaningless. Just as you fall in love and you cannot do anything about it, one day you fall out of love and you cannot do anything about it. A breeze came into your life and passed. It was good and beautiful and fragrant and cool, and you would have liked it to remain always there. You tried hard to close all the windows and all the doors, to keep the breeze fragrant, fresh. But by closing the windows and the doors, you killed the breeze, its freshness, its fragrance; it became stale. Every marriage is stale.
I am absurd because I don’t want to enforce logic - which is man-made - on existence. In trying to impose logic on existence, you simply create misery for yourself because you are going to fail; your failure is absolute. Millions of people are simply pretending that they go on loving each other. Once they had loved, but now it is only a memory, and becoming fainter and fainter every day. But because of the idea of permanency they are afraid to say the truth.
It is not anger, it is not hate; it is nothing against the other. It is simply the way of life - love changes. It is seasonal, and it is good to have summer and to have winter, and to have rain.to have the fall and the spring.
Your whole life can be lived either as logic or as existence. Existence will be absurd. One moment it is one thing; another moment it is something else. You are left with the choice either to go on pretending that it is still the same, or to be honest and sincere and to say that it was a beautiful moment, but it has passed. The oasis is passed and now we are in a desert, and we know that we are in a desert; we cannot enjoy, we cannot rejoice. Still we are bound to each other with the idea of permanent love. That permanent love is a logical idea.
Real love is a real roseflower: it is going to change. From morning to evening it is going to take different shapes, different shades, and by the evening it will be gone. And I don’t think that there is anything wrong.
Love is just one example. Your whole life is full of such things. For example, every child is taught respect for the parents, respect for the teachers, respect for the elders. Respect is a beautiful experience, but when you have to be respectful just as a mannerism, it is ugly.
I was told again and again in my childhood, “You have to be respectful.”