Chapter 5: First Freedom, then Expression
But you cannot be helped by the mirror, by the “no one,” by the nothingness, if you are closed. You can sit with closed eyes, but then for you there is no mirror at all.
By being a disciple I don’t mean being a follower. No. A follower, again, is someone violent - violent against himself. He is in need of someone who can be violent with him. He is a masochist. He wants someone to cut him, to change him, destroy him, transform him. He is a follower. He says, “Give me a discipline, give me the way. Tell me, order me, and I will obey.” He is really in search of some slavery.
But maybe some people need slavery?
No one needs slavery. One may want it, but wants are not always needs. You want slavery because the moment you become a slave, you are completely without responsibility. You are free in a way; a slave is free in a way. Now, he is not responsible.
Even if he does something wrong, the master will be responsible: “I am following you. If I have not reached, you are responsible. I have obeyed you.” Now the master is going to be guilty, not him. He says, “I surrender completely.” This is not surrender! Really, it is something criminal. He is trying to say, “Now, from this time on, I will never be guilty again. You are going to be guilty. If I do not reach the divine, you are responsible; you will have to answer for it. I have surrendered myself to you.” That’s why he wants to be a slave.
But slavery is not a need. You can never be free from responsibility. The more you are freed from it, the less conscious you become. You can become freed from responsibilities only when you become an automaton, a machine, a mechanical device. So followers become machinelike. The more they follow, the more machinelike they become.
This is not really the need. It is not a growth. But this is what many people want. You want to throw the responsibility, the burden, on someone else. And really, a person who is throwing away his responsibility can never be free.
My fear has been that if I follow your methods of meditation, I will be leaving my responsibilities.
You are not going to leave your responsibilities, rather you are going to add some new responsibilities. Doing this meditation is going to make you more responsible. You are going to become more free, and a free individual is responsible. You are taking the whole burden for your growth on yourself; you are not throwing the burden on me. You are not becoming my follower, you are not following me.