Chapter 10: Out of Nothing
We have seen Buddha, so the greed is with us. How to be a buddha? This is greed, this is lust, this is desire: how to be a buddha - calm and collected, a light unto oneself, a deep silence with no disturbance, a flower not of this world. The greed has commenced, but the mind is not ready. We want to be like Buddha without being buddha-like, because the mind wants other things also. What Buddha renounces we are not ready to renounce, but what Buddha has achieved we are greedy to achieve. This is the problem. The major part of your mind is not ready for the change, not ready to be a soul, but the desire has come in.
No one else is responsible for this. Go inside and analyze why you are not a buddha. The potential is there, the energy is there. Why are you not a buddha?
Don’t go on thinking, who created us unequal? Who created someone a buddha and someone not a buddha?
No one has created this; our minds are responsible. If I cling to the theory that God created us - him like a buddha and me not like a buddha - then what can I do? It is a destiny that has been forced on me. Then I can remain what I am, I can drift. This drifting will not do! The theory is just a saving device, a trick, so that you can continue as you are without bothering to change.
Religiousness is born in you only when you begin to feel total responsibility for yourself. Philosophy is one thing: philosophy can continue its meaningless, absurd theorizing. Religion is different: religion is a decision, it is to feel totally responsible for yourself. Whatever I am - a violent, angry, greedy, lust-filled mind, a bundle of desires - I am responsible.
The moment I feel that my ugliness is my responsibility, that my sin-centered mind is my responsibility, then the jump becomes possible. Because I am responsible for my ugliness, no one else can be responsible for my beauty. If I am responsible for all the darkness that is within me, then all the light that comes to a buddha can also come to me. By taking responsibility for the one, the other potential becomes open.
Responsibility means freedom, so don’t go on complaining to God. There is no one to receive your complaints; you are only deceiving yourself. If I am not responsible for myself then I am not free. But if I am free, then I have to carry the whole responsibility.
If I am living in hell, it is my decision. I have used my energy and freedom in order to come to this hell; I have not been thrown there. Sartre speaks about man’s being thrown into the world. No one has thrown you; it has been your choice to come.
Sartre feels that only in one dimension does man seem to be free, and that is suicide. You are not responsible for your birth, but you can be responsible for your death: you can commit suicide. This is illogical! If one pole is free, the opposite pole cannot be otherwise. If I can commit suicide - if I can end my life by my own decision - then, whether I remember it or not, my entry into life has also been my decision. The other pole must be consistent. If I am responsible for my suffering then no one else can be responsible for my bliss. If I can be responsible for my death then I am also responsible for my birth.