Chapter 4: Perceiving the Bull
Become more interested in being happy than being thought happy. Become more interested in being beautiful rather than being thought beautiful - because thoughts cannot satisfy your thirst, thoughts cannot satisfy your hunger. Whether people think you are well-fed or not is not the question; you cannot deceive the body. Real food is needed, pictures of food won’t do. Real water is needed, pictures of water, formulas about water, won’t do. H2O cannot quench your thirst. Once you understand this, then the discovery starts; then you are in search of the bull.
Watch yourself. You will catch yourself red-handed many times a day when you are not thinking about reality but about fictions. Looking in a mirror and thinking that you are looking at yourself is one of the most absurd things. The face that is mirrored is not your face; it is just the surface, it is just the periphery. No mirror can mirror your center. And the circumference is not you. The circumference goes on changing every moment; it is a flux.
Why are you so much attracted to the form? Why not to the real? A man who is in search of his self, who has become interested in self-knowledge, goes on breaking all mirrors. He does not smile because people are looking at him and a smile will give a good impression about him, he smiles when he feels to. His smile is authentic. It is not dependent on people, it is not dependent on onlookers. He lives his life. He is not trying always to convince an audience that “I am so and so.”
Remember: people who are too much concerned about convincing others are empty people, hollow within. They don’t have anything authentic. Otherwise, the desire will disappear. If you are a happy man you are a happy man and you don’t think about it, that it has to be reflected in others’ eyes. You don’t go on collecting opinions. Whatsoever identity you think you have, just analyze it and you will see thousands of people have said things about you and you have gathered them. Something your mother said, something your father said, your brother, friends, society, and you have gathered all that. Of course, it is going to be contradictory because of so many people, so many mirrors. Your identity is self-contradictory. You cannot call it a self, because a self is possible only when you have dropped living in contradictions. But for that you have to go within. The first step of understanding is that your self is already waiting for you - within you. You need not look into anybody else’s eyes.
Don’t believe in mirrors - believe in reality.
I have heard, once it happened:
An old clergyman advised a politician to go out into the rain and lift his head heavenward. “It will bring a revelation to you,” he promised.
Next day the politician returned. “I followed your advice,” he said, “and water came down my neck and I felt like a fool.”
“Well,” said the old clergyman, “for a first try, don’t you think that’s quite a revelation?”
If you can understand your foolishness, it is quite a revelation - yes it is, because from that point begins a journey.