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Chapter 15: The Death of the Old, the Birth of the New

Your so-called saints live only in problems; everything is a problem. Eating is such a problem, they make so much fuss about it. They will eat this and they will not eat that. The Jaina monk cannot eat the poor potatoes. Why? What is wrong with potatoes? They look so innocent; one has never heard anything wrong about them - they have never done any wrong to anybody. But a Jaina monk cannot eat potatoes. It is prohibited in his scriptures because they grow underground, they don’t grow in the sunlight, so something is wrong with them. They grow in darkness; eating them will create darkness in you, you know? And you have to be a light unto yourself. So anything that grows underneath the earth is prohibited, carrots and all - anything that grows underneath the earth. They don’t believe in underground things.

I am a firm believer in underground things because they are very revolutionary! If you eat them they will help you to go underground. And finally everybody has to go underground, so why not prepare?

Once I was traveling with a Hindu monk. He would not drink milk from buffaloes. Why? - because Hindu scriptures say that buffalo milk creates laziness. As if Indians can be more lazy! And that Hindu saint was not doing anything, so I said, “I don’t see what trouble there will be - you don’t do anything at all. The buffalo milk can’t harm you. You are already lazy, so why be worried about it?”

Not only that, he only used to drink the milk from a white cow. I said, “What is the matter with black cows?”

“Black is an evil color.”

I said to the saint. “Then we should part our ways; we cannot travel together, not even for a single moment. You are the most stupid person I have come across, because even from a black cow the milk is white, the milk does not become black. If the milk were becoming black maybe there would have been some point in your idea.”

But he wouldn’t listen.

And he will take only warm milk immediately from the cow, not heated on the stove or on a fire. The cow had to be milked just in front of him so that he could drink it warm from the cow itself. I said, “Why don’t you just do what the kids do? Just drink from the tits. That will be even warmer. Even with milking it and then bringing it to you.. And it is not so hot that it remains really warm. You just drink directly from the cow’s tits.”

He said, “What are you saying?”

I said, “Yes, that will make you a far greater saint.”

But these fools are worshipped by people.

He would only eat food prepared by a virgin girl, otherwise not. How is the food affected? Whether it is prepared by a virgin girl or by a nonvirgin, how is the food affected? He said, “There are subtle vibrations.”

I said, “I can trust you only. I will bring two, three thalis prepared for you, one by a virgin girl, another by a woman who is married and has children, and the third by a prostitute, and you just show me which one belongs to whom just by their vibe. If you cannot judge then stop this nonsense. Don’t talk nonsense. What vibes are you talking about?”

You should drop this idea that only hippies talk about vibes; Indian saints have been talking about them for at least five thousand years.

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