Chapter 8: Your Mind Means the Past
To expect too much always creates a barrier, so never expect. If you really want something to happen, then just go open, in a playful mood, not very serious. When you are serious you become closed. And anything that is going to happen will happen when you are in a mood of fun, relaxed and floating, because then you are like a child - innocent. So when you do these groups and meditate, be joyful; don’t be religious about them! You simply enjoy. Good.
I feel very much in contact with the universe when I am surrounded by nature. But, I have a problem that I need help with. When I am taken by surprise and am in a state of unawareness, if someone provokes me I get into terrible anger. I see that it is absolutely stupid and ridiculous, but I can’t get out of it!
Don’t try to get out of it.
But then I’ll get more and more angry!
Be! One has to live everything that happens. You are creating a duality within you. One part of you wants to be angry, another part is trying to top-dog it, to manipulate it, so you create a conflict, and that conflict is a sheer wastage of energy, and it is never going to help you. Both parts are you, so a victory is impossible. That’s not the way. The way is to be one, unitary.
So when you feel angry, there is no need to be angry against someone; just be angry. Let it be a meditation. Close the room, sit by yourself, and let the anger come up as much as it can. If you feel like beating, beat a pillow.
That isn’t sufficient for me. I’m much more angry than that - to be helped by hitting a pillow.
So do whatsoever you want to do; the pillow will never object. If you want to kill the pillow, have a knife and kill it. It helps, it helps tremendously. One can never imagine how helpful a pillow can be. Just beat it, bite it, throw it. If you are against somebody in particular, write their name on the pillow or stick a picture on it.
You will feel ridiculous, foolish, but anger is ridiculous; you cannot do anything about it. So let it be and enjoy it like an energy phenomenon. It is an energy phenomenon. If you are not hurting anybody there is nothing wrong in it.
But when you are with somebody, you want to hurt them.
When you try this you will see that the idea of hurting somebody by and by disappears. You make it a daily practice - just twenty minutes every morning.