Chapter 29: The Answer Is You
The more you fight and the more you succeed, the farther away you are from your own being, because you become more and more tense, more and more worried. Your life becomes a constant agony - the fear of failure. Even if you have succeeded, the fear that somebody may throw you away from your position.. Just now ask Ronald Reagan about the tremendous anguish he must be in. A man who lives to achieve something can never be peaceful.
So on the one hand you have created this fiction of bold action. Perhaps you think meditation needs a bold action? Or sannyas means a bold action? It needs only relaxation. It needs dropping the very achieving mind, forgetting that there is any future, allowing this moment to be enough unto itself, rejoicing it, and the next moment will take care of itself.
If you can rejoice in this moment, you will be able to rejoice more in the coming moment because you will become more and more expert in rejoicing, in dancing, in singing. And you will become more and more confident about yourself - that you need not be somebody else. Whoever you are, you are capable of enjoying the ultimate ecstasy without being rich, without being in power, without being world famous, without being a celebrity.
You can be just a nobody and yet all the treasures of existence can be yours - because they are not outside you. You are unaware of your own inner richness.
There is no need of any bold action. And with that need disappearing, the paralyzing doubt will disappear. They are two sides of the same coin. First you create the idea that you have to take a bold action and then the fear comes of whether you are capable of taking such a bold action: do you have enough energy and guts? Then a paralyzing doubt arises and you are in a fix. Drop both together, because they are not separate and they are not separable.
You have heard beautiful words but you don’t understand their meaning. You say, “.silent acceptance and useless sabotage.” If there is silent acceptance, how can there be useless sabotage? And if the useless sabotage is there, then what do you mean by “silent acceptance”? And apparently, absolutely unrelated, suddenly you ask, “Please comment on silence and death.”
From “bold action” to “paralyzing doubt,” from “silent acceptance” to “useless sabotage” - and suddenly the question arises about silence and death!
You must be very much split in your mind, schizophrenic. But this is not only your disease, so don’t feel bad about it. It is the disease of almost all human beings, more or less.just you are courageous enough to expose the disease. The others are not so courageous - they keep it down, repressed within themselves. They don’t tell anybody; they repress it so deeply that even they themselves become unaware that it exists.
But because you have asked, I would like to say a few things to you. Silence knows no death, it is only the mind that is not silent which falls into the fallacy of death. Have you ever died in your life? You have always seen somebody else dying, but you have never seen yourself dying - although you have died many times, in many lives. But because you don’t have a silent mind, each time when death came to you, you became so disturbed that you fell into a coma. You died in unconsciousness; that’s why you don’t remember your past lives.