Chapter 25: You Are What You Are Seeking
I have the most beautiful master ever - life has given me so much since I have been with you - but still, except for moments of beatitude with you or in my meditation, deep down in myself there is always a deep-rooted sadness and a longing for some space that I hardly can remember.
Can you please comment?
Meditation always opens doors, different doors to different people. Sadness is not necessarily something bad. Don’t judge it as a bad or negative quality. When a person who has never been silent, for the first time becomes silent, the very silence feels sad because there is no excitement, no firecrackers.
You can misunderstand your first acquaintance with silence as sadness, but it is not sadness. It is just that you have always been engaged in a thousand and one things and now they have all disappeared. You feel a little lost. Before silence becomes a song, a small period, a transitory period, is absolutely necessary. You know sadness. And sadness has something of silence in it - whenever you are sad, you are a little silent. So there is an association between your sadness and silence. When you become silent for the first time, the only thing you can feel from your past experience is sadness.
Allow it to deepen. Don’t judge it as sadness, because that very judgment may become a barrier. The moment you say something negative you are trying to get rid of it. Don’t say anything negative about it. Just accept it as a bridge between silence and song. Just wait a little, and you will start feeling that this silence is not dead, it is not the silence of the graveyard. It is a silence which is very much alive, a silence which is not empty but too full, overflowing.
Overflowing with what? Again, a new experience is waiting for you. You have known only songs with words. You have never known a pure song without words, music without sound. Just a little waiting, and the sadness will start turning into a song with no words, into music with no sounds, into a dance with no movements.
Everything is going perfectly well; just a little bit of patience is needed.
When you are sick, in the hospitals you are called patients. Have you ever thought about why? It is because healing takes time, and you have to be patient. This is inner healing, and you need a deeper patience.
But if silence is there and meditation is happening, then there is no problem at all. Spring will be coming soon with all its colors and all its flowers and all its beauty. Just wait a little.