Chapter 10: The Secret of Totality
These are self-evident realizations, so I can describe them. But when they happen, you know; when they are there, you know. The knowing is evident in itself; it needs no outer proof, no outer witness. Your knowing becomes the only evidence.
That’s why mystics sometimes seem to be arrogant. They are not. They are the most humble people possible, but they look arrogant, and the arrogance is felt by us because they are so self-evidently true. They won’t give you any proofs, they won’t give you any arguments, they won’t give you any reasons. They say, “I know.”
This looks to us like arrogance, but the same is so, if I ask you, “How do you know you are alive?” What can you say? You can say only, “I know.” Is that arrogance? It is a simple fact. How can you express it except by saying, “I know and I know it self-evidently. Even for me there are no reasons why I am. I simply am.”
These Upanishads are such self-evident statements. They won’t argue with you. They go on saying, “This is this.” You cannot ask why, you can only ask how. They can tell you how you can achieve this. You cannot ask, “Why? Why is this this?”
So the moment you happen to be in totality, in that totality you will know it. It is such a phenomenon that you can doubt everything except it. You can doubt the whole world - except it. If the whole world stands against it as a witness, even then your feeling of its being true cannot be shaken.
That’s how a Jesus can die, a Mansoor can be killed. They can be killed, but they cannot be changed, converted. They cannot be converted. You can kill a Mansoor, you cannot convert him. He will go on saying the same thing. Mansoor was saying, “I am the God.” In Mohammedan eyes that is kufr - heresy, egoism. It is not a religious expression. A religious person must be humble, and this Mansoor goes on saying, “I am the God - Ana’l haq, aham brahmasmi - I am the brahman.” So they killed him. They thought that when they began to kill him he would come back to his senses, but he went on laughing, and someone asked, “Mansoor, why are you laughing?” Mansoor said, “I am laughing because you cannot kill a God. You cannot kill a God. Aham brahmasmi! Ana’l haq! I am the God!”
Jesus says as his last words, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” He asked the divine to forgive all those who were crucifying him because, “They do not know what they are doing.”
But Mansoor and Jesus, they are very arrogantly certain. That certainty comes from the self-evident-ness of truth. And everything can be doubted, but never a feeling that comes in your totality.
If you are a total will, then you will come to know something self-evident. If you are total surrender, then also you will come to know something self-evident. Even if you are a total doubter, then also you can come to something which is self-evident. But totality is everywhere a basic condition. You must be total in it, whole in it.