Chapter 2: You Are Already That.
I remember Gurdjieff reporting that he had a liking for a certain berry-type fruit. It is found in the Caucasus, and it had always been bad for him. Whenever he would take it, his stomach would be disturbed: pains and aches and nausea and everything. But he liked the fruit so much that it was impossible not to eat it. After a few days he would eat it, again and again. He reports, “My father went to the market one day, took me with him and bought a large quantity of the fruit. I was very happy and surprised - why is he buying them? He has always been against it. He had always told me never to eat it. What has happened? What a good father!”
He brought Gurdjieff home. He was only nine years old. His father took a stick in his hand and he said, “You eat the whole lot. Otherwise, I will beat you to death.” And he was a dangerous man.
Tears were flowing and Gurdjieff was eating, and he had to eat the whole lot. He vomited, but his father was a very, very hard man. He vomited, and for three weeks he was ill with dysentery, vomiting and fever. Then the fruit finished. He said, “Even now that I am sixty years of age, if I come across the fruit my whole body shakes. I cannot even look at the fruit!”
The indulgence created such a deep understanding, to the very roots of the body. I say to you, “Go and indulge.” Nothing is wrong with indulgence. If you really indulge and don’t withhold yourself you will come out of it more mature. Otherwise, the indulgence, the idea, will always persist - it will haunt you, it will become a ghost. People who take the vow of celibacy are always haunted by the ghost of sex. People who try to be in any type of control are always haunted by the idea of indulgence, of breaking all bounds, disciplines, controls, and running headlong into it.
Just allow life to take you wheresoever it leads you and don’t be afraid. Fear is the only thing one should be afraid of, nothing else. Move! Be courageous and daring, and I tell you that, by and by, the very experience of indulgence, sensuality, will calm you down. You will become centered.
But I am for sensitivity. Even if it brings indulgence, even if it brings sensuality it’s okay. I am not afraid of indulgence and sensuality. I am afraid of only one thing: that the fear of indulgence and sensuality may kill your sensitivity. If it is killed you have committed suicide. Sensitive, you are alive, aware; the more sensitive, the more alive and aware. And when your sensitivity becomes total, you have entered the divine.
Enough for today.