Chapter 3: Sex, Love and Prayerfulness: Three Steps to the Divine
The more you go into meditation through sex, the less effect sex will have. Meditation will grow from it, and out of the growing meditation a new door will open and sex will wither away. It will not be a sublimation. It will be just like dry leaves falling from a tree. The tree never even knows the leaves are falling. In the same way, you will never even know that the mechanical urge for sex is going.
Create meditation out of sex; make sex an object of meditation. Treat it as a temple and you will transcend it and be transformed. Then sex will not be there, but there will not be any suppression, any sublimation. Sex will just become irrelevant, meaningless. You have grown beyond it. It makes no sense to you now.
It is just like a child growing up. Now toys are meaningless. He has not sublimated anything; he has not suppressed anything. He has just grown up; he has become mature. Toys are meaningless now. They are childish and now the child is no longer a child.
In the same way, the more you meditate, the less sex will have an appeal to you. And by and by, spontaneously, without a conscious effort to sublimate sex, energy will have a new source to flow to. The same energy that has flowed through sex will now flow through meditation. And when it flows through meditation, the divine door is being opened.
Another thing. You have used the words sex and love. Ordinarily we use both words as if they have an inner association. They have not. Love comes only when sex has gone. Before that, love is just a lure, a foreplay, and nothing else. It is just preparing the ground for the sex act. It is nothing but an introduction to sex, a preface. So the more sex there is between two persons, the less love there will be because then the preface is not needed.
If two persons are in love, and if there is no sex between them, there will be much romantic love. But the moment sex comes in, love goes out. Sex is so abrupt. In itself, it is so violent. It needs an introduction; it needs foreplay. Love, as we know it, is just clothing for the naked fact of sex. If you look deeply into what you call love you will find sex standing there, preparing to jump. It is always around the corner. Love is talking; sex is preparing.
This so-called love is associated with sex, but only as a preface. If sex comes, then the love will drop. That’s why marriage kills romantic love, and kills it absolutely. The two persons become acquainted with each other and the foreplay, the love, becomes unnecessary.
Real love is not a preface. It is a fragrance. It is not before sex, but after. It is not a prologue but an epilogue. If you have passed through sex and feel compassion for the other, then love develops. And if you meditate, you will feel compassionate. If you meditate in the sex act, then your sexual partner will not be just an instrument for your physical pleasure. You will feel gratitude to him or her because you have both come to a deep meditation.