Chapter 70: Suffer the Pain of Aloneness
The same condemnation and the same appreciation is there. You can create an alternative society with just the opposite rules but it makes no difference - your ego can be fed again. It has been transplanted. A new soil has been formed.
To be solitary means not to create an alternative society. Just move out of society, and then whatsoever society has given you will leave you. It can exist only in a milieu, in the social milieu, it cannot exist out of it. You will have to drop it. It will be painful because you are so adjusted to it, everything is so arranged. It has become such a comfort to be adjusted, where everything is convenient. When you change and move alone, you are leaving all comforts, all conveniences, all that society can give - and when society gives something to you, it also takes something from you: your liberty, your soul.
So it is an exchange - and when you are trying to get to your soul in its purity you have to stop the bargaining. It will be painful, but if you can pass through it, the highest bliss is just near. Society is not as painful as loneliness; society is tranquilizing; society is convenient, comfortable. But it gives you a sort of sleep. If you move out of it inconvenience is bound to be there. All types of inconveniences will be there. Those inconveniences have to be suffered with the understanding that they are part of solitude, part of regaining yourself.
This is tapas, this is austerity, and you will come out of it new, with a new glory and dignity, a new purity and innocence.
The second question:
Last night you said that total aloneness is the essential nature, is the ultimate reality of man. Another day you explained that individuality is false and man is a wave in the organic whole of existence. How is a reconciliation possible between aloneness and wholeness?
There is no need of reconciliation. Aloneness is wholeness. But aloneness doesn’t mean individuality. You are an individual because of society. When you are totally alone you will not be an individual.
An individual means a part of a society, a unit of a society. When you are in the crowd you are an individual; when you move out of the crowd not only is the crowd dropping behind, the individual also is dropping behind. That individuality was given to you. Individuality and society are two poles of one phenomenon. Alone you are not an individual; the individual has to exist in a pattern of society. It is just as when I said that alone you are neither good nor bad, alone you are neither sage nor sinner, alone you are neither beautiful nor ugly, alone you are neither wise nor foolish. Both the dualities drop. The dichotomy drops.