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Chapter 28: Meditation: An Unburdening of Repressions

He came to Buddha and he said, “I have come to be a disciple of yours. Once I become your disciple, you will be the master and I will have to follow whatsoever you say, I will have to obey. But right now I am your elder brother, and I can order you and you will have to obey. You are not the master, I am not the disciple. Once I am initiated, you will be the master and I will be the disciple. Then I will not be able to say anything, so before I become a disciple these are my three conditions. Say yes to these three conditions; then initiate me.”

The conditions were not very big, but a condition is a condition and then your surrender is not total. They were very small conditions, very loving conditions. He said, “One, I will always be with you. You cannot tell me to move anywhere else. While I am alive I will be your shadow; you cannot order me away. Give me the promise - because later on I will be just a disciple, and if you order me away I will have to follow. This will be a promise given to an elder brother - that I will be with you. You cannot tell me to move anywhere else. I will just be your shadow; I will sleep in the room where you sleep.

“Secondly, whenever I will say, ‘Meet this man,’ you will have to meet him. Whatsoever your reason for not meeting, you will have to agree. If I want that someone should be given your darshan - spiritual presence - you will have to give it.

“And thirdly, if I say that someone has to be initiated, you cannot refuse. Grant me these three conditions. Promise me and then initiate me. I will not ask anything again because then I shall be just a disciple.”

When he remembered this, while he was weeping, crying before the door of the council, after he went back into his memories, he suddenly became aware that the initiation was not there because he had not been receptive. Buddha had agreed. He said, “Okay!” and he followed the three conditions his whole life. But Ananda missed, the nearest one missed.

And the moment he realized this he became enlightened. That which couldn’t happen with Buddha happened when he was no more: he surrendered.

If there is surrender, even an absent master can help you. If there is no surrender, even an alive master who is present cannot help you. So in initiation, in any initiation, surrender is needed.

Mantra initiation means that when you have surrendered, the master will enter you - your body, your mind, your spirit. He will move in you to find a sound for you, so that whenever you chant that sound you will be a different man in a different dimension.

A mantra cannot be given unless you have surrendered totally, because mantra giving means the master has entered you and felt the deep harmony, the inner music of your being. And then he gives a symbolic sound which is in harmony with your inner music. The moment you chant that sound you enter the world of your inner music, the inner harmony is entered.

That sound is just a key, and a key cannot be given unless the lock is known. So I cannot give you a key unless I know your lock, because a key is meaningful only when it can unlock. Any key will not do, and everyone is a particular lock - you need a particular key. That is why mantras are to be kept secret.