Chapter 4: Music Comes Closest
I immediately went into the garden and asked a bunch of bananas, “What do you think? What should I do?” The bananas were so ashamed they didn’t speak a single word. I shook them and I said, “You have to say something!” They said, “We are sorry, but once in a while a banana falls.. But this man has fallen too much! Please don’t include him in our family. No other banana has ever been a politician before. Yes, we have fallen and we have committed many sins before, but this is too much. We feel ashamed!”
I asked the tomatoes, and they are such innocent people - they look so meditative, almost like Zen masters sitting silently, doing nothing. And they all laughed and they said, “Don’t be worried. Continue to eat us. That is the only way for us to become buddhas!”
And he says, “How would you like it if in Zimbabwe we taught our people to sing, ‘You are not my Bugwan or Bhagwan’?” I would love it - please do it! anyway, if your people start remembering me, that will be good. In fact, my sannyasin kids already call me Bugwan, and it sounds so beautiful! It is far smoother than Bhagwan - nothing is wrong with it.
But this fellow has not given his address; otherwise I was thinking to send him my answer! And these people are all around the world.
Now my South African sannyasins will be very, very happy because they were writing to me again and again, “Osho, you never say anything about the South Africans.” Veena, Vidya, Veetrag, they were all worried because I am talking about the Italians and the Jews and the British, and nothing is being said about the South Africans. This Tomato has given me an opportunity to say something.
The doctor advises an African to jog ten miles a day for two weeks.
The guy reports that he feels fine; his only complaint is that he is one hundred and forty miles from home!
One African applying for a post as footman in a country house is asked by her ladyship to raise his trouser leg so that she may ascertain whether his legs will be sufficiently shapely in plush knee-breeches. He does so. She then appears satisfied but asks to see his testimonials.
“And that,” he says, recounting the event, “was where I made my big mistake and spoiled everything!”
“Why are you so angry?” the doctor at the maternity ward asked the African father. “You should be proud that your lovely wife had twins.”
“Oh yeah,” snarled the leaping African. “Just wait till I find the other guy!”
The African sergeant gave an order for the whole company to raise the right leg. One confused draftee raised his left leg in error. The sergeant looked down the line and saw the upraised left leg of one soldier right next to the upraised right leg of the recruit beside him. “Who is the smart aleck in the middle of the line,” he bellowed, “who raised both legs?”