Chapter 2: The Brash Student
Next time, when you feel angry.or if you cannot, then come to me, I will give you a whack. I go on giving, but my whacks are more subtle than Dokuon’s. I don’t use a real staff - it is not needed; you are so unreal, a real staff is not needed. I need not physically give you a whack, but spiritually I go on giving them. I go on creating situations in which I try to bring you back to your Yamaokahood from your buddhahood, because that Yamaoka is real within you, buddha is just a mask. And remember, Yamaoka has to live, not the mask; Yamaoka has to breathe, not the mask; Yamaoka has to digest food, not the mask; Yamaoka will fall in love, Yamaoka will be angry, Yamaoka will have to die, not the mask - so it is better that you are freed from the mask and brought back to your Yamaokahood.
Remember, buddha cannot be a mask. If Yamaoka goes on going deeper in himself, he will find buddha there. And how to go deeper in yourself? Follow anything that comes from within; follow it back, regress back. Anger has come? - close your eyes; it is a beautiful moment, because anger has come from within.from the very center of your being it comes, so just look backwards, move, just see where it is coming from, from where.
What you would do ordinarily - and what this Yamaoka could have done - would be to think that the anger has been created because of this Dokuon: because he whacked you, that’s why anger was created. You would look at Dokuon as the source. Dokuon is not the source; he may have whacked you but he is not the source - if he whacked Buddha anger would not come - it is Yamaoka.
Go back, don’t look outside for the source, otherwise this beautiful moment of anger will be lost - and your life has become so false that within a second you will put on your mask again, and you will smile, and you will say, “Yes, master, you did a very good thing.”
The false will come in soon, so don’t miss the moment. When the anger has come, it is just a split second before the false comes. And anger is true; it is truer than what you are saying - the words of Buddha are false in your mouth. Your anger is true because it belongs to you, all that belongs to you is true. So find the source of this anger, where it is coming from. Close your eyes and move inwards; before it is lost go backwards to the source - and you will reach emptiness. Go backwards more, go inwards more, move deeper, and a moment comes when there is no anger. Inside, at the center, there is no anger. Now, buddha will not be a face, a mask. Now something real has been penetrated.
From where does the anger come? It never comes from your center, it comes from the ego - and ego is a false entity. If you go deeper you will find it comes from the periphery, not from the center. It cannot come from the center: at the center is emptiness, absolute emptiness. It comes only from the ego, and ego is a false entity created by the society, it is a relativity, an identity. Suddenly you are whacked, and the ego feels hurt, anger is there. If you help somebody, smile at somebody, bow down to somebody, and he smiles, that smile is coming from the ego. If you appreciate, give compliments to somebody, if you say to a woman, “How beautiful you are!” and she smiles, that smile is coming from the ego. .Because at the center there is neither beauty nor ugliness, at the center there exists absolute emptiness, anatta, no-selfness - and that center has to be achieved.