Chapter 26: The Enlightened and the Endarkened
If the court can simply release the man - not even a three-day punishment or a five-rupee punishment - with all the evidence against him.. The court was under pressure from the political sources to free that man; perhaps political and religious sources were behind him.
The man was completely free. I said, “If this is the case, then to remain in this country means going to Jerusalem. I am not interested in committing suicide or being available to be murdered. My work is not finished, my people are growing. It is still a nursery.
I have to see it become a wild garden; only then can I say good-bye. Before that, to leave you will be an act not of love, not of trust, not of compassion.
It is very difficult for me to go on living in this body, because my work was finished long ago. I am not sick; I am not suffering from any diseases the way medicine will understand. Of course, medicine will understand in its own way that there is diabetes, that there is asthma and this and that; they will find their own way. But I know I am not medically sick - of course I am not medically fit either.
My problem is existential, not medical. My work is finished. My ship has arrived long ago; it is waiting there. Where? Do you know? Portland! That’s why I had to come so far. The ship was waiting in Portland. I have to be nearby: any moment the captain of the ship can say, “Enough!”
My problem is existential.
There is nothing for me to go on breathing for. There is no need. What has to happen has happened; it is already past.
For you there is future:
For me there is no future.no present even.
In my inner world all stopped long ago. That’s why there is a disparity between my body and my life. That disparity creates many kinds of sicknesses. That disparity has made my body very fragile.
I am somehow hanging around; but I will insist on hanging around until you understand your responsibility, until you give me the proof that not only my inner work, but my outer work is also complete.that now I can leave without looking back.that I know now that the seeds I have sown will go on growing forever.