Chapter 5: The Diamond beyond Sex
In this connection, it is important to know that in countries where marriages take place without love, sex stagnates at the physical level. It can never progress deeper than that. The marriages can be of two bodies, never of two souls. Between two souls only love exists. So, if a marriage is an outcome of love, then it takes a deeper meaning. But if a marriage is an arranged marriage, is an outcome of the calculations of priests and astrologers, is an outcome of considerations of caste or creed or money, it can never go deeper than the physical level.
But there is one advantage to such marriages; the body is more stable a thing compared to the mind. So in societies in which the body is the foundation of marriage, the marriages will be more stable. They can last the whole lifetime. The body is not that unstable, it is quite a stable thing and change creeps into it very, very slowly, almost imperceptibly. The body exists at the level of matter. The societies which thought it necessary to bring stability to the institution of marriage, to maintain monogamy, to leave no possibility for change, had to do away with love because love happens from the heart and the heart is an unstable thing. Divorces are inevitable in those societies where marriages are based on love. The marriages will be shaky, there can never be stable marriages in those societies because love has a fluidity. The heart is fickle; the body is stable, inert.
If there is a stone in your yard it will be in the same place in the evening as it was in the morning, but a flower blooms in the morning and by evening it droops, falls to the ground. The flower is a living thing; it will be born, it will live and then it will die. The stone is an inanimate object; whatever it was in the morning it will also be in the evening. The stone is very stable and lasting. A marriage is like the stone. A marriage based on the physical level will bring stability; it will be in the interest of the society but detrimental to the individual, because stability has been brought in at the physical level and love has been avoided.
This is why in such marriages, the sex between husband and wife can never reach the deeper realms beyond the physical level; it merely becomes a mechanical routine. Their sexual life becomes mechanical; they go on repeating the same experience and it becomes lifeless, dull. They never reach further to any deeper level.
There is no basic difference between going to a prostitute and being in a marriage not born out of love - very little difference, it is not a basic difference. You buy a prostitute for a night, you purchase a wife for your whole life. This is not a big difference. Where there is no love, it is a purchase - whether you are hiring a woman for a night or making arrangements for a lifetime. Of course, because of the day-to-day living together, a kind of relationship develops out of this association, and people think it to be love. This is not love. Love is something else altogether. Because these marriages are at the level of the body, the relationship never goes any deeper than the physical. None of the manuals and scriptures that have been written about sex, from Vatsyayana to Pandit Koka, go deeper than the physical level.