Chapter 5: Esoteric Games: A Hindrance to Growth
In the present moment, there is no division. For example, if someone puts a dagger to your chest, at that moment there is no division. You do not think that he is going to kill your body; you think he is going to kill you. Only later, when it has become part of the memory, can you divide. Now you can look at things, think about them. You can say that the man was going to kill your body. But you cannot say it in the moment itself.
Whenever you feel, you feel oneness. Whenever you think, you begin to divide. Then enmity is created. If you are not the body, a certain struggle develops. The question arises: “Who is the master? The body or me?” Then the ego begins to feel hurt. You begin to suppress the body - and when you suppress the body, you are suppressing yourself; when you fight with the body, you are fighting with yourself. So much confusion is created. It becomes suicidal.
Even if you try, you cannot really suppress your body. How can I suppress my left hand with my right hand? They look like two, but the same energy flows in both. If they were really two, then suppression would be possible - and not only suppression, absolute destruction would be possible - but if the same energy is flowing in both, how can I suppress my left hand? This is just make-believe. I can let my right hand put my left hand down, and I can pretend that my right hand has won, but the next second I can raise my left hand up and there will be nothing to stop it. This is the game we play. It goes on and on. Sometimes you push sex down, and sometimes sex pushes you down. It becomes a vicious circle. You can never suppress sex. You can transform it, but you can never suppress it.
Beginning with a division between you and the body leads to suppression. So if you are for transformation, you should not begin by dividing. Transformation can come only from an understanding of the whole as the whole. Suppression comes from misunderstanding the whole to be the divided parts. If I know that both hands are mine, then the effort to suppress one is absurd. The struggle becomes absurd, because which is to suppress which? Who is to fight whom? If you can feel at ease with your body, you can take a first step that will be the right one. Then division, suppression, will not come.
If you divide yourself from your body, many things will follow automatically. The more you suppress the body, the more frustrated you will be, because suppression is impossible. A momentary truce can be reached, but then you will again be defeated. And the more frustrated you become, the greater the division, the wider the gap that develops between you and the body. You begin to feel more and more inimical to it. You begin to feel that the body is very strong and that is why you are not capable of suppressing it. Then you think, “Now I will have to fight more vigorously!”
That is why I say that everything has its own logic. If you begin with an erroneous premise, you can go on and on to the very end, never reaching anywhere. Every struggle leads you to another struggle. The mind feels, “The body is strong and I am weak. I have to suppress it more.” Or it feels, “I have to make my body weak now.” All austerities are just efforts to make the body weak. But the weaker you make the body, the weaker you yourself become. The same relative strength is always maintained between you and your body.