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Chapter 4: Be a Light unto Yourself

You exhale, you trust in life. The Buddhist word nirvana simply means exhaling, breathing out, trusting. Trust is a very, very innocent phenomenon. Belief is of the head, trust is of the heart. One simply trusts life because you are out of life, you live in life and you will go back again to the source. There is no fear. You are born, you live, you will die; there is no fear. You will be born again, you will live again, you will die; it is a wheel. The same life that has given you life can always give you more life, so why be afraid?

Why cling to beliefs? Beliefs are manmade, trust is God-made. Beliefs are philosophical, trust has nothing to do with philosophy. Trust simply shows that you know what love is. It is not a concept of God who is sitting somewhere in heaven and manipulating and managing. Trust needs no God: this infinite life, this totality, is more than enough. Once you trust you relax. That relaxation is surrender.

Now, “Is Zen the path of surrender?” Yes. Religion, as such, is surrendering, relaxing. Don’t cling to anything. Clinging shows that you don’t trust life.

Every evening, Mohammed used to distribute whatsoever he had collected in the day. All! Not even a single pai would he save for the next day, because he said, “The same source that has given today will give me tomorrow. If it has happened today, why be untrusting about tomorrow? Why save?”

But when he was dying and he was very ill, his wife became worried. Even at midnight a physician might be needed, so that evening she saved five rupees, five dinars. She was afraid. “Nobody knows. He may become too ill in the night and some medicine may be needed. And where will I go in the middle of the night? Or a doctor may be needed and the fee will have to be given.” Not saying anything to Mohammed, she saved five dinars.

Nearabout midnight, Mohammed opened his eyes and he said, “I feel a certain distrust around me. It seems something has been saved.”

The wife became very much afraid and she said, “Excuse me, but thinking that something may be needed in the night, I have saved just five dinars.”

Mohammed said, “Go out and give it to somebody.”

She said, “Who is going to be there in the middle of the night?”

Mohammed said, “Just listen and let me die peacefully, otherwise I will feel guilty, guilty against my God. And if he asks me, I will feel ashamed that at the last moment I died in deep distrust. Go out!”

The wife went out, unbelieving of course, but a beggar was standing there.

When she came back Mohammed said, “Look, he manages well, and if we need something then a donor will be standing outside the door. Don’t be worried.”

Then he pulled up his blanket and died immediately. He relaxed totally.

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