Chapter 2: A Watcher on the Hills
The first question:
Could you talk about trust? Whenever I trust, whatever happens is beautiful; when doubt arises, I am in pain. Just the fact of trusting you, or life, or somebody, is enough to make me feel light, happy. Why then do I still doubt?
It is one of the most fundamental questions of life. The question is not only about trust and doubt: the question is rooted in the duality of the mind. It is so with love and hate, it is so with body and soul, it is so with this world and the other world.
Mind cannot see the one. The very process of mind divides reality into polar opposites - and reality is one, reality is not two, reality is not many. It is not a multiverse, it is a universe.
This existence is an organic whole. But the mind basically functions by dividing, the mind functions like a prism. If you pass a ray of light through the prism, it is immediately divided into seven colors. Before passing through the prism it was simply white, pure white; after the prism it is the whole rainbow.
Mind divides reality into two. And those two are bound to be always together, because in existence itself they are indivisible. The division exists only in mind, only in your thought.
You say: “Could you talk more about trust? Whenever I trust, whatever happens is beautiful.” But your trust is nothing but the other pole of doubt; it cannot exist without doubt. Your trust is simply an antidote to doubt. If doubt really disappears, where will your trust be? What need will there be of trust? If there is no doubt then there is no trust either.
And you are afraid to lose trust, you cling to trust. In clinging to trust you are clinging to doubt too, remember. You can have both, but you can’t have one. Either you have to drop both or you have to go on keeping both; they are indivisible, two sides of the same coin. How can you avoid the other side? It will always be there. You may not look at it, that makes no difference. But sooner or later you will have to.
Another part of mind is: it gets bored with anything very soon. So if you are in trust, soon it gets bored with it. Yes, it is beautiful, but only in the beginning. Soon the mind starts hankering for something new, for something different, for a change. Then there is doubt, and doubt hurts; again you start moving towards trust. And trust becomes boring, and you have to fall into the trap of doubt. One goes on this way like a pendulum of a clock: right, left, right, left, one goes on moving.