Chapter 27: Love and Fear
You don’t have anything to lose - just a fear of which you have not been able to be aware. But this is the time to be aware of it.
You are saying, “.afraid of how vulnerable I feel in front of you, afraid that you could hurt me.” I am going to hurt you: there is no need to be afraid! That’s my whole function here: to hurt you so much that finally you drop the ego - because that is what gets hurt. Nobody can hurt, nobody can humiliate, nobody can insult your authentic being. It is the phony part that starts getting enraged, feeling wounded by small things.
But as far as I am concerned, I promise you I will hurt you. So at least you can be at ease; there is no need to hang in a limbo: “Perhaps he may hurt me.” No, I am certainly going to hurt you. Unless I hurt you, I cannot change you. But I don’t hurt you, I hurt only what is false in you.
You wanted some other kind of promise. You say, “Yet deep inside, I know that you could never hurt me.” You are wrong! You cannot persuade me not to hurt you - I cannot lose my whole profession!
And finally you say, “Would you talk about the disciple’s trust in, and fear of, the master?” Both are absolutely together: one. When you trust the master, the trust comes from your real being. Ego cannot trust anybody, and the fear comes from the ego. Now, if your fear is too much, then you will turn against the master and will start condemning him, saying lies about him just to protect yourself from people who will say that you are betraying your master.
It is strange that people have lived with me for ten, twelve years, worked.and when their ego was hurt in some way, they left me. Even after ten or twelve years being here with me they could not understand. How can I help if I don’t operate on your ego and separate it from you?
Gautam Buddha used to say, “I am a physician.” Twenty-five centuries later, I cannot say that I am only a physician; I am a surgeon! After twenty-five centuries some evolution is needed.
These people lived twelve years with me but they never wrote a single word about me, they never brought a single person to me. But the moment they left me they started writing books against me. Suddenly they became great writers. And it is simply a defense mechanism. They are trying to tell the whole world why they have left me - because I am not what they used to think. Still they are unaware that it is not my problem that they have left. It does not matter to me: thousands of people have come and gone. I don’t know even their names. While they are here on my surgery table I do whatever I can do, but a few idiots escape while the surgery is only half done.