Chapter 25: Stealing the Truth
And Shiva has written in his book that every night I need ten women, without making any reference that those ten women are mediums and that they dance in an open place with one hundred people watching, a dozen people present to be initiated. He does not mention that; he simply mentions every night I need ten women.
Can you see? Can a person be more ugly? And he used to trust in me so much that he used to say that he can give his life - and this is what he is giving! And there are thousands of things which are absolutely wrong, fabrication, a fiction of his own mind.
Love is beautiful when it is, but soon it becomes bitter.
Trust is beautiful when it is. But its test is when an opportunity arises, such that if you still go on trusting you will be putting yourself in danger, and it pays no longer. And at that time, trust can become just its opposite; it becomes a revenge. It becomes an argument to satisfy oneself: “I am not betraying: in fact, I was wrong in trusting the man; the man was wrong.” Now he has to prove to himself and to others that the man was wrong: “I have not betrayed, I have simply discovered that the man was wrong.”
It is just not to feel guilty. It is an effort to whitewash, to wash your hands which are full of blood. But no lies, no allegations, can make any difference to the fact that you have betrayed - and in betraying you cannot harm me. Nobody can harm me. You are simply harming yourself. Now you have destroyed your own capacity to trust, and if the bridge of trust is destroyed, you will never be able to go beyond it.
And it is strange. The people like Shiva who lived almost six or seven years with me - if they could not discover all these facts then that they are now “discovering” when they are not with me, it only proves one thing: that they are retarded. It takes seven years to discover? - things which you are talking about now you must have “discovered” five years before. At that time you could not manage to expose? - that was the right time.
But it is a psychological thing to be understood. Many more books will be written, many more articles will be written by sannyasins - just because they have trusted and now they are betraying. Some reason has to be there for why they are leaving me. Without a reason, they will feel guilty. And if there is no reason, they have to invent it - they have to create lies.
Love is not very reliable, but useful.
Use it, and move to trust.
But trust is also not a hundred percent proof: move beyond.
Then you cannot fall; then there is no way of going back - then it is something which partakes of eternity.