Chapter 58: Go Beyond Karma
That’s possible - because it is possible you are worried. Your worry is a symptom that something which is possible you are not making actual - that is the worry, that is the human dilemma. You can do it and you are not doing it - that creates an inner worry, anguish. When you cannot do it the question never arises, there is no worry. The worry shows that it is possible now that you can jump - many lives which are unnecessary you can just by-pass - and you are not by-passing. You have become conscious, and you have come above nature.
Consciousness is a new phenomenon. You have come above nature and now you can consciously evolve. Conscious evolution is revolution. You can do something about it. You are not just a victim, not just a puppet. You can take your destiny in your hands. That is possible, and because it is possible and you are not doing anything, it creates inner anxiety. And the more you become aware that this is possible, the more the anxiety will be felt.
A buddha is very worried; you are not so worried. Buddha was very worried, in deep anguish, suffering. Unless he attained he would live in hell, because he was perfectly aware that something was absolutely possible, was just at hand, just by the corner, and he felt, “Still I am missing it. If I just stretch my hand it will happen - and my hand is paralyzed. Just a step and I will be out of it - and I cannot take that step. I am afraid of taking a jump.”
When you are near the goal, and you can feel it and you can see it and still you go on missing, then you feel anguish. When you are very far away and you cannot feel it, you cannot see it, you are not even aware that there is a goal, you are perfectly unaware of any destiny, then there is no anxiety.
Animals are not in anguish. They appear happy - happier then man. What is the reason? Trees are even more happy than animals. They are perfectly unaware of what can happen, of what is possible, of what is just near at hand. They are blissfully unaware. There is no anxiety. They drift. Man becomes anxious, and the greater a man, the more anxiety will be there.
If you simply live, you are living an animal existence. Religious anguish arises the moment you become aware that something is possible - “The seed is there and I have to do something. I have to do something and the seed will sprout. The flowers are not very far away, and I can reap this crop” - but still nothing is happening. A very impotent state is felt.
That was the Buddha’s condition before he became a buddha. He was just on the verge of committing suicide. You will have to pass through that. And you cannot leave it to nature; you have to do something about it - and you can do. And the goal is not very far.
So don’t be depressed if you feel anxiety. If you feel a very tense anguish within you, a suffering, agony, don’t feel depressed about it - that’s a good sign. That shows you are becoming more and more aware of that which is possible, and now you will never be at ease unless it becomes actual.