Chapter 43: The Monkey Is Dead
In the beginning they used to call me to speak at their conferences, and when I started focusing on this point they stopped inviting me - because I was destroying their whole joy. They were not people who wanted to sit silently doing nothing, and the spring comes and the grass grows by itself. They wanted chanting, ritual, dancing, an image of God, a belief in God.
And Ramakrishna, before he became enlightened, had believed in all these things; but before he died he dropped everything. That small period is the only important period in his life.
But that is very empty, utterly silent. It is only for those who are seekers of silence, serenity, truth.
As I was writing today, I realized that all my questions come to the same point: is this really me? Is this authentic? Is this my truth? The real burning question is: Who am I? Sometimes I feel that I am never going to know if this mind continues to create barriers of nonsense. At other times I do feel that I am coming closer. I don’t even know what my question is, but could you please answer it?
I know, and you know too, what your question is. I know the answer. You also know the answer. But my answer will only become a belief in you. I would rather like to help you to find the answer within yourself - that will be authentic.
You want to know who you are. This is the basic question everybody wants to know.
And the barrier is not big. The barrier is not great. You have just not tried what I have been continually telling you to try - watch your thoughts whenever you have time, or whenever you are doing something then watch the doing, watch the doer.
The whole point is that your capacity to watch should increase. You will become more and more a clear watcher, and the thoughts will disappear.
Thoughts are very poor. They don’t have their own life. You give them life because you don’t watch them. If you watch them, they start disappearing - because the life of thoughts is your identifying with them. You think, “These are my thoughts.” They are not your thoughts, not a single thought is yours. Only watchfulness is yours. All thoughts come to you from outside.
If you simply remain watchful, just as they come they will go, and slowly, slowly they will come less and less. They don’t like to come uninvited. They don’t like to come when you don’t welcome them. And when your whole energy is centered in watching, there is no energy left for thoughts to move on the screen of your mind, they simply stop.
And the moment thoughts are not there, the answer is. That answer will not come in words, the answer will come as an experience.