Chapter 2: Love Comes Faceless
From the unconscious to the conscious, it is a long distance. When you become a sannyasin, if it is coming from your deep unconscious, only then does your sannyas have some authenticity, but then you will not be aware of what is happening. I will see something happening; I will see a great change of gestalt in your being. I will see the old disappearing and the new appearing, but you will not be aware of it. You are fortunate if you can even hear a few whisperings from the unconscious. It will take time, years - but it has already happened.
A criminal was sentenced to death by chopping off his head. They got the best executioner for him. On the appointed day, when everything was ready and the poor delinquent stood there before a crowd of people, the executioner came and started praising himself: how many heads he had already cut, all the famous people he had killed, and his tremendous skill in doing the job really quickly. As a kind of demonstration, he swung his sword above his head at such speed that one could not even see the sword.
This was too much for the delinquent, and he cried out, “This is too much! I can’t stand this tension any longer. Why don’t you do your job right away?” whereupon the executioner leaned on his sword and said, “Just nod.”
And that’s what I say to you: just nod and the head will fall off. You have already been killed. But it is a very fast sword; you cannot see the sword, you cannot see that your head is cut. So now there is no need to worry - just don’t nod if you are very much afraid.
The third question:
What is the difference between obeying and surrender?
There is a great difference. Obeying, you remain separate; in surrender, you are no longer separate. In obeying, you are saying yes - and there is every possibility that there is still a no inside. You are going against the inside no, you are saying yes. In obeying, there is every possibility of a split. In fact, yes cannot exist without a no existing somewhere behind it, yes and no are aspects of one and the same coin, two sides. When you say yes, somewhere you have already said no. When you say no, somewhere you have already said yes - they go in a pair.
You can watch it in your own life. Whenever you say yes, there is lurking somewhere in your unconscious a no. In fact, the louder you say the yes, the stronger is the no; that’s why a louder yes is needed to repress the no. And this kind of obedience, in the first place makes you double, destroys your unity; you become divided into yes and no. Secondly, the no that has been repressed through the yes will take its revenge sooner or later. Whenever the right time arrives, the no will assert itself, and will assert itself with a vengeance; it will carry the wound, the humiliation and the insult. It will become your dark part.