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Chapter 29: Nobody Is Missing Anything

And to make a sannyasin feel insecure, tell him he is enlightened.

Outside the classroom it is snowing hard. “Boys and girls,” says Mrs. Goodbody, “you must be very careful not to catch colds in this weather. I had a dear little brother, only seven years old. One day, he went out in the snow with his new skis. He caught a cold, pneumonia set in, and three days later he was dead.”

A hush falls over the classroom and then little Ernie jumps up to his feet and asks, “Can I have his skis?”

Moishe Finkelstein goes into a jewelry store to buy his wife Ruthie a present. “How much is that?” he asks the clerk, fingering a silver crucifix.

“That is five hundred dollars, sir,” replies the clerk.

“Nice,” says Moishe. “And how much without the acrobat?”

Kowalski, the Polack farmer, is struggling to hold a pig above his head while the pig eats apples from a tree. A man passing by watches this for a moment and says, “Why don’t you pick some apples and put them in a trough? It will save you time.”

“Don’t be a dummy,” snorts Kowalski. “Pigs don’t care about time.”