Chapter 6: Pure Consciousness Has Never Gone Mad
So it is better to get rid of them. But getting rid of them does not mean you have to be watchful. First, forget about watchfulness. Live each emotion that you feel; it is you. Hateful, ugly, unworthy - whatever it is, you be actually in it. First give them a chance to come up totally into the conscious. Right now, by your effort of watchfulness you are repressing them into the unconscious. And then you get involved in your day-to-day work and you force them back again. That is not the way to get rid of them.
Let them come out - live them, suffer them. It will be difficult and tedious but immensely rewarding. Once you have lived them, suffered them, accepted them, that this is you, that you have not made yourself in this way so you need not condemn yourself, that this is the way you have found yourself - once they are lived consciously, without any repression, you will be surprised that they are disappearing on their own. Their force on you is becoming less, their grip on your neck is no longer that tight. And when they are going away, there may be a time when you can start watching.
In the East they have a parable: an elephant passes through a door.the elephant has passed, but his shadow is still inside the door and it looks almost like the elephant. This is the time when the elephant has passed and only the shadow has remained. That you can watch - because shadows cannot go into the unconscious; shadows don’t have any existence. If you are watchful, aware, the shadow will die, disappear. But first let the elephant go.
You are keeping the elephant in. You can hide the elephant inside, but for how long? And you will be carrying the elephant and its weight all the time. In each of your actions it will have some influence. You will do things but there will be anger, you will do things but there will be hatred, you will do things but almost like a zombie - because that elephant is too heavy.
And you are not responsible for it. In fact, nobody is responsible for it. God used to be responsible, but he is dead; that was his only function. You can call the society responsible, you can call the parents responsible, but that does not help. That may give you a kind of solace, but it is not a solution. Remember, nobody is responsible; this is the way you have found yourself.
And I don’t see that there is anything abnormal in it; everybody passes through it more or less. One thing has to be remembered: the bigger the elephant you are carrying within you, the bigger will be the release and freedom. So everything is balance. Your suffering may be great, but your blessing will also be great. So don’t be bothered by it. What is wrong in it?
Just live it.
For you, for the time being, the only way is to live it totally, so that the elephant can come out unafraid: “Now I am ready to live; there is no problem to hide.” And once everything comes into the conscious mind it disperses, and when only the shadow is there, that is the time to become aware. Right now it will create schizophrenia; then it will create enlightenment.
And never be worried about big problems. All our problems are small. We are small - how can there be big problems? Secondly, whatever the depth of the problem will be the depth of your freedom, of your benediction when the problem disappears. So you will be perfectly balanced.