Chapter 16: Surprise Me!
I can’t afford to let you go again. It is obvious that only through you and your love can I really be free. So I try and open my heart to you and my ears too at this distance, and trust that you can find your way through this deeply hidden nonsense of mine.
Never have I knowingly acted out of a need for personal aggrandizement, though that may have been there. Only ignorance of the deeper and more unknown truths has led me astray, if I have wandered. Please forgive me for that, and this I know you can and will do.
Whatever the program is I am on, it is arranged ahead and already until next May, if it is at all worthwhile in your eyes. But it is of no real importance, just a jolly leela. I will come instantly at your bidding any time. Nothing, hopefully, will ever cause me again to leave you in my heart, though there is always the risk for someone like me of losing contact with his own heart. If you lead me back, beloved friend and master, I will endeavor to follow again as best as a stumbling sannyasin can.
I love you with all my heart and will try to be more and more aware of the fear that keeps me from you and that oneness of love.
Namaste. And I touch your sweet feet,
He had gone astray, but he is back. And when he really comes physically back, give him a good welcome. Celebrate his coming!
Jesus talks about the prodigal son. A man had two sons. One was very faithful to the father, utterly devoted to the father. The other was a problem. He was always creating trouble. Finally the father decided - he was getting old - to divide the property and separate the two sons. The elder one remained with him and the younger one - the moment he got the money, left the father, left the village, went to the big city, and spent all the money in gambling, in drinking with the prostitutes.
Within a few years all was lost; he became a beggar. He had come as a rich man and now he was begging. One day while he was begging, suddenly he was reminded, “Why can’t I go back to my father? At least he can accept me as a servant. He has many servants, my brother has many servants. I am no more a worthy son. That I cannot claim, that ‘Accept me back as a son’ - but I can go and beg, ‘Accept me as a servant.’ At least that will be far better than begging from strangers and getting insulted again and again, humiliated.”
He sent a message, “I am coming home.” He sent a message, “Accept me just as a servant. I am no more worthy to be accepted as a son.”
The father rejoiced. The moment he heard that he was coming that evening, he arranged for a big feast, a great celebration.